Always Look Confident

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I was teaching English in a South East Asian country a few years ago. I'm an Australian girl and was in my early 20's at the time. It was a pretty lonely time - the classes I taught were night classes for young adults, and my fellow teachers were quite 'clique-y' and I had yet to break into their inner circle. I had made friends, but not many close ones. It's worth noting that I had a mobile phone, but no SIM card. My only means of communication where to latch onto WiFi at bars/cafes/work/my apartment. Anyway - the following happened on my day off, when I was alone.


I had caught the bus into town (I lived in a shared apartment about 40 minutes from the city center) to suss out the local museums and maybe see a movie. After 2 museums, multiple stops at air conditioned bars for countless units of cigarettes and beer, I decided the afternoon was getting on, I was stinking hot and tired, so maybe I should head home. The sun was still out, but setting. It was about 4pm and still quite light. I wasn't too familiar with the layout of the city and the bus route at this stage, but using my elementary navigational skills, I worked out a vague direction that I needed to walk to get to my bus stop.


I was enjoying my slightly buzzed walk, following small back lanes closer and closer to this bus stop I had been on the hunt for. I was keen to get home, so I wasn't really paying attention to anything except following the setting sun, so I would be heading west.


I remember walking past a small shop front, with a man sitting out the front. The man was thin, 30s, and somehow crooked looking. It looked like his shoulders and hips were completely out of alignment or something. He wore this ratchety old hat (Not a traditional hat, like a baseball cap) and an equally ratchety face. Anyway, there was a child, maybe 6 or 7 sitting next to him. At the time, I thought it was sweet - father and son boutique shop type of thing. I gave them both a small, awkward smile as I walked past. I barely lifted my head. The little boy looked at me strangely, suddenly the man's eyes lit up like crazy. I remember seeing him in my peripheral vision spring up from the gutter (He was crouching there) with great enthusiasm. He didn't say a word or make a sound, he just stood up very quickly as I finished walking by. I think he took my small, awkward smile directed at the little boy as some kind of eerie invitation.


I started feeling scared, and I'm admittedly not very street savvy, so I guarantee my anxious mannerisms were obvious. I quickened my pace, pulled my bag closer to my stomach and put my head down. I pretended to slow down to fix my sandal, but really I was trying to throw a quick look behind me to see what was going on. The man had quickened his pace in the last 10 or so meters of following me. He was closing in. He wasn't speaking. He wasn't trying to get my attention. He was just following me in a completely empty back street, still smiling enthusiastically.


At this point, I was walking on the right hand side of the road. My head swimming with paranoid thoughts, I tried to calm down, and test out what was going on. I simply crossed the road to see if he would follow. I didn't check for motorbikes (This is SE Asia remember, cars a few and far between). It dawned on me that a motorbike going by would actually be quite a good thing, even if it did hit me. What did hit me suddenly was the thought that we were very, very alone in this street.


Sure enough, as I crossed, he quickly followed my path onto the other side of the street. My heart sank into my stomach. I had no idea how much longer this alley went on for. No windows looked out over it. Nobody was walking by. I didn't even really know what part of the city we were in. I couldn't speak the language very well. I hadn't told anybody where I was going. I remembered sending my boyfriend that morning saying I was uncontactable for the day (We had fought the night before, long distance sucks). In this country, Western women were usually subject to an element of creepiness, I knew that. But this felt different. Everything suddenly felt really wrong. Inherently wrong.

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