I can’t believe this. I’m happy. I’ve been happy all day. It’s almost like nothing happened. I know it all did, but today has just been blurry in that sort of way where you question your whole life being real. God, I’m not even sure what I’m saying anymore. I’m so happy that I feel like fucking somebody. Anybody really. What the hell is wrong with me?! What am I doing? This is fucked. I need more though. It’s what I truly crave. “Everybody is doing it” anyway, right? This is so beautiful.
Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I like this? I haven’t always been this way, have I? I think not. God, how did this ever happen? Why? How could I ever let it get like this? I’m so sorry for everything. I hate feeling sorry for myself. It’s stupid. I’m sorry. Bye.
I hate me. That’s what we have in common.
I miss you. Without you is hell. I hate that you hate me. I hate that I hate that you hate me. I hate that I’m doing this still. I hate that I think there’s still a chance. I hate that even the only person to ever truly get me hates me. I hate that I’m such a fuck up. I hate that I’m still alive. I hate that I miss you. I hate that I ever put you through pain. I hate that you have any feelings on us being apart. I hate that I can’t change it. I hate that I can’t just call and apologize. I hate that I’m here. I hate that you’re there. I hate that everyone hates me. I hate that anyone liked me. I hate that I’m still writing.
Nothing to say anymore. Nothing to do anymore. Nowhere to go anymore. Nobody to know anymore. Nothing worth seeing anymore. Nothing. Just plain black whole entire nothing. It’s great. It’s horrible. It’s satisfying. It’s terrifying. Not that you care. Not that anybody cares. I don’t know why I’m even here anymore.
Psyke.org is my new guilty pleasure. I’m so fucked up.
Shoot me. Just shoot me! I know you can do it. You aren’t the only one who wants to, but you’re the most deserving one to do it. I WANT YOU TO SHOOT ME! Please! I need to be killed. And there’s so much wrong I’ve done to you. Please just make sure it hurts.
