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Chapter Five

Holly's dinner was frozen pepperoni pizza and ice tea. The usual when she couldn't be bothered to make anything, or no one else in the house had provided. She got so grouchy nowadays when she was hungry, her body and her mind had changed so much that it scared her sometimes. Her doctor just said it was hormones, but she couldn't wait for this to be over. Offering Ryan some of her TV dinner when he came in from watering the plants, Holly noted his shirt off and some sweat-shorts hanging low on his hips. He still had his California tan, and for nearly forty, he had the hottest body. Going to the gym to get away from Jo had turned from a monthly visit to almost a daily thing before they split, and his bulging muscles displayed his hard work. Holly almost spat out her tea when he walked into the room, she felt herself throb in her panties just at the sight of him shirtless. He still looked in his twenties. She especially loved his tattoos, the gun on his wrist, the pictures on the back of his thighs. They ate in silence, and when she sighed and leaned back in the chair, Ryan found some confidence to speak, "Better?" "I think the baby loved that." Holly's lips thinned into an O shape of slight pain, pressing her palm against the side of her belly. "Yeah?" Ryan queried, filling up her glass with ice tea before he sat back down. "Come here." The first time she'd ever shown any want for him. Any kind of connection. She reached out her hand for his with one of those smiles only a mother-to-be could show. He accepted her hand, cautiously, and bent down beside her chair. Their hands split when he met the smoothness of her covered belly. Holly's still sat on the side. He kept imagining what was in there, what it looked like. A honeydew melon, a huge scoop of ice cream. A baby. There was a living person inside her. "Have you ever felt a baby move before? I don't want you passing out on me." She said, still smiling at his eagerness to learn more. "Not until now." Ryan cleared his throat awkwardly, he felt nothing. Maybe the baby repelled when it felt his presence. He wasn't the father, after all. Just the neighbour. The neighbour who shouldn't be having inappropriate thoughts about this baby's mother. Holly grabbed his hand, moving it around to the side of her belly. "I think she's laying sideways right now, you can only feel it on this side." She was right, Ryan's palm came into contact with a little beat of a foot. Like when a small child pokes you to ask you something, ever so innocent and delicate. He was immediately in awe of the feeling and didn't want it to end. It was life. She was growing a life inside her. He didn't even have time to question Holly describing her baby as a girl, maybe she already knew the sex from the doctor. It wasn't really any of his business.
"How did you meet your wife?" Moment ruined. "Ex-wife." Ryan said dismissively, quick to correct her, standing back up and grabbing his t-shirt to slip back on. "How's that one go? Oh, yeah – it's never good when the new woman asks about the old woman."

Dumb fuck.

She gulped her ice tea, some of it dribbling down her chin. "What did you just say?"
"Something I read."
She glared at him, confused. "Was she your first love?"
"No." Ryan sighed, "My high school sweetheart was that. It ended badly."
"How bad?"
"I still have nightmares about her and she was twelve years ago."
"Geesh. Get over it, dude."
"You've never been in love." It was a statement, not a question. Holly rolled her eyes without hesitation. "Did you ask my mom about me or something?"
"No." He grinned and looked away.
"What?"
"I saw your er–Facebook."
"You just saw it?" She made quotations with her fingers in the air.
He shrugged. "I was bored."
"You're a total pervert! Is that what men automatically do when their wives leave them? Surf the web for porn?"
"Porn? Did I miss something on your page?" He laughed.
"You're disgusting." She said.
"I thought it was nice. I felt like I learned something about you."
"Like what?"
"That you've never been in love."
"Creepy..."
"Why haven't you ever been in love?"
"In love." God, you sound like my dad."

I'm old enough to be.