a n i m a

dear no one

 dedicated to dis chick bc I know she likes this song and I like this song and she's also really nice and lovely xo

"but sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
someone to give me their jacket when its cold
got that young love even when we’re old
yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end."

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Dear No One,

 I'm fine, if you're wondering. I'm top of my psychology class and I just bought my own apartment. It's weird, being on my own. I usually sit around, plucking a few strings of the cello or studying. Mostly studying. The internet has yet to be installed and there doesn't seem to ever be anything on television. Sometimes I'll dig through old movies or the boxes of books in my closet.

 I started reading Sherlock Holmes.

 I finished it.

 I've noticed in my time in my new apartment, that I'm actually really alone. Sure, my dad calls me nonstop and my friends come over and bombard me with the gossip of their lives, but it's a different kind of lonely. And sometimes, when I've run out of things to do and everyone's busy, I feel the weight of it on my chest.

 It's not terrible, but it's not too great either. I just wonder how long it will last. Because I like being on my own, I really do. It's just sometimes I wonder if I'll be alone forever. I know, I know. The 'forever alone' thing, pathetic, right? But it's just, sometimes I feel that way. And sometimes it's hard to get that thought from the back of my mind.

 It will just sit there, and like a woodpecker on the branch of an oak, it will repeatedly puncture my brain; getting farther and farther to the front. And I'll start to wonder where you are.

 I wonder if I've met you before. If you're a boy I've merely made eye contact with around campus or asked for directions. And if so, I wonder why I can't remember you. Why your face doesn't pop in my mind when the loneliness hits. Or maybe I haven't met you. Maybe when my English class starts up, I'll see you in there. Or maybe when I start working, that's where we'll meet. Maybe I'll even meet you at my doctors office when I'm old and wrinkled. You could even be somebody I've known, like an old neighbor. Someone that I knew, but never thought could ever be anything more than an acquaintance or a friend or a classmate.

 I don't know. And honestly, there's no way to find out. And that's what makes it worse- the loneliness- because you're not quite sure when it will end. Or if it ever will. And how will I know when I meet you?

 Just do me a favor and give me a sign, okay? I'd appreciate it.

My friends will be here soon, and we'll watch movies and make popcorn and I'll listen to their stories. And I'll forget about you. But when I'm curled up under my sheets, insomnia creeping through my restless bones, I'll think of you some more.

 I'm happy, trust me. Things are going good and like I said, I'm fine. But sometimes I wonder, as minds often do, what it's like. You know, those feelings everyone's always going on about. The butterflies and the flushed cheeks.

 Sometimes I just wonder what we would do if you were with me now. I wonder if you'd have blue eyes. Or green or brown. I wonder how you tell stories; your quirks. And I just think about you, and us. And I can't help but smile because in my head everything fits.

 But when will that all happen? Just when will you make me blush and hold my hand and make me soup when I'm sick?

 It'd just be nice to have someone here. Someone to listen to my stories and tell me it's alright. To have someone push my hair behind my ear and kiss me. Play with my fingers and lay with me during a thunderstorm. Kiss my forehead and hug me when it's cold.

 Just for someone to be here.

 But you will, someday. And I'll just have to get over it and wait.

 So, I just wanted to let you know, that I'll see you one day. And I promise that when we meet I'll love you unconditionally. I'll be there for you and we'll be happy and everything will be worth the wait.

 So thank you, in advance. And know that you've always been with me, even in the brisk wind of loneliness.

Sincerely,

Your No One x

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