Stella, Would You Take Me Home?

I Tell Myself I Can Handle It

-TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT READ SECTIONED OFF PART IF YOU GET TRIGGERED EASILY.-

~Alex's POV~

"Gaskarth you home?" Stella yelled.

"Stella? Why are you here?" I asked.

"I just wanted to stop by, see how you were holding up." Stella looked at me sympathetically.

"I'm dealing. I'm still shocked ya know? not the type of news you hear daily." I sighed.

"Well, I think you'll be pleased to know I have something that will cheer you up!" Stella smiled brightly at me.

"I don't think anything could cheer me up right now." I mumbled.

"Are you absolutely sure?" I heard someone ask behind me.

Victoria.

I smiled and turned around, running to her and hugged her.

"Surprise!"

"I missed you so much." Victorias words were muffled by my shirt.

"I missed you too." I kissed the top of her head.

"I'll be going..." Stella walked out of our apartment leaving Victoria and I a chance to catch up.

"So, that story you owe me."

Sighing, I told her everything. Near the end I could see the tears well up in Vic's eyes.

"Alex.. you should have called me."

"I know. I didn't want to ruin your family time." I lied. Me and Victoria have had a bit of a falling out as of lately. I wanted to spend time with Stella.

"Alex!" she punched my arm. Damn she has muscles.

"I wouldn't have cared if you called me while I was in Quebec. I wouldn't have! What hurts the most is that you slept with that whore while I was gone."

I stood up, my eyebrows furrowed. I was furious. "First of all, I didn't sleep with Stella. She was comforting me like I know you wouldn't have if you would've been here. And secondly, Stella is not a whore! I've known that girl for longer than I can remember. I-I think you should go." I whispered the last part. Insult me, go ahead. Insult Jack, fine. But insulting my baby girl? Hell no.

"But babe,-"

"No. Leave." I picked up her way too many bags and placed them outside my door. I called a cab for her which luckily showed up in about 3 minutes.

(TRIGGER WARNING)

I can't take it anymore. My mom is dying, Stella probably doesn't give a shit about me, my girlfriend is an insensitive prick, I'm lucky the rest of the band tolerated me for this long. Like look at me! I'm a fat, girly, jerk. I just threw my girlfriend out for saying one wrong thing about a girl who probably doesn't care. Jack and I aren't talking much anymore. We're losing fans to the new record. The entire One Direction and Ed Sheeran fandoms hate me. Ashton from 5 Seconds Of Summer is in love with me. I broke his heart. How cruel am I? No wonder everyone hates me. I'm the prick. Nobody cares about me. You know, if I were to kill myself right now nobody would care. Everyone would be happy without me. I've done my work. I've changed a tiny part of the world. That's all that matters. There's nothing left in life for me and at this point all I'm doing is making it worse for everyone around me. That's it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore.

I ran over to my medicine cabinet, trying to read the labels through the blurry tears in my eyes. I grunted in frustration, rubbing the back of my hand against my eyes in a futile attempt to clear the blur of my watering eyeballs. Eventually, I grabbed the first thing I saw and popped open the cap, poured a handful of red oval pills into my palm and dry swallowed all of them. I stood up, grabbed an Expo dry erase marker and started on writing my suicide note on the tile floors of my kitchen.

Dear Anyone who might give a damn anymore,

Tell my mom I'll see her soon.
Tell Stella I love her.
Tell the 1D fandom I didn't mean it.
Tell Victoria I'm sorry.
Tell my fans to stay strong.
Tell Zack to take my place.
Tell Jack to keep on living.
Tell Rian to sing Kayla a lullaby one last time.
Tell my dad I gave up.
Tell Ashton I hope he finds someone.

There's nothing left for me here. Everyone hates me. I don't belong here anymore. It's time for me to leave.

Goodbye.

-Alex

And with that last letter, everything turned to black.

Goodbye World.

Title Credit: That Girl - All Time Low