The Life of Jana Kane.

Mistake , mistakes.

       So now I'm in the 10th grade. Feeling better, doing better in school. Realizing I'm way to smart to keep making dumb decisions. I now call myself liking women. I even met this girl, Jakenzi. Man I loved that girl. She was the best female I could ever date. But eventually I pushed her away too. Simply because I could not get over the first guy I've ever loved, cory. I loved him so much, I almost felt so crazy to the point I started feeling like , I couldnt live without him. I've never felt like this before. I've never cared about anyone else this way, but I still kept hurting him. I honestly tried to stop sleeping around, But with him not being near me, made it so hard for me to stop. I eventually felt myself becoming a sex addict. Like I had to have it all the time no matter what. Arron just kept coming in and out of my life. Not caring how I feel, just wanting to get in my pants. And I let him, because it made me feel good. Not even thinking about cory's feelings and how he would feel when he found out. I became so upset sometimes at cory where I would say alot of things I shouldn't say.... on social media... basically telling on myself. About everything that I was doing. Every guy/female I was talking too. But cory didnt understand that I didnt care about them. I only cared about him. I just didnt know how to show it. Sometimes cory would do things that would make me very upset. And I couldn't understand why. I never would blame the way I was toward him on how arron treated me. I just didnt wanna blame anyone for my acts.
         Few months into the 10th grade, I found out I was pregnant again. At that point I was so upset that arron did this to me again, I couldn't imagine going through the same thing again with him. It just was not something I would wish on anyone. The first thought was to not let my parents find out. They would kill me. What am I gonna do now? Why do I keep letting this happen!!!! I called my at the time , sister - n - law , joyce to come get me. I needed to tell her what was going on, what was on my mind. " jay are you sure this is what you wanna do?" Joyce asked me... I replied yes. To getting an abortion. My parents gave me a 2 week allowance of $560 every two weeks since I was in highschool with no job. I saved that money just to pay for the abortion. Arron didnt care, he was sometiming all the time. He either wanted me to keep it or to not keep it. He was very confusing. But I did what was best for me. I don't regret doing it, but I think my life would really be over if otherwise.

      5 months into taking care of that, cory and I were back on good terms, we fell off for a little while because of the pregnancy. He always would warn me about things that I would get mad about but he'd only be telling the truth.. right now were on good terms, hes ready to graduate highschool and so am I. We were ready to put the past behind us.. and start over...