The Next Step:Jiley's story

Lost

Once the doctors have checked over the less damaged of the babies James takes them hope and tells me to stay with Annie, he knows that I need to be with her so much. I just sit on the uncomfortable chair next to her listening to the beeps of the machines that are keeping my baby alive, it hurts so much to see such a huge part of your life dying in front of you. A doctor comes in and begins checking her heart monitor "Is there any idea of how long she's going to be here for?" I ask him, I don't know if I want to know the answer but curiosity just won me over. "We think it could be between 5-6 months if she survives the next week, but the next few days are by far the most crucial," I guess that's what I expected but I guess I kind of hoped that she wasn't in the critical stage still.

Once the doctor left I just carried on staring at her, trying to work out how this could have happened. If West and Elson didn't start the fire then who did? I ask myself. Staring at my babies tiny features that are still perfect because the flames didn't touch her, it was just the spoke that got into her lungs, I wonder how she could possibly be so ill, that's when I realise that the constant beeping of the heart monitor has stopped and in it's place all I can hear is a steady hum. She's flat lined,  I rapidly press the emergency button trying to raise awareness that my daughter was dead. Doctors rushed in and told me to step outside but I refused "Don't make me go, I can't leave her to die, In can't leave her!" I screamed but nobody listened. I was taken outside and left to try and figure this all out for myself. I can't do this anymore, she can't be gone. Little perfect Annie, the Annie that used to giggle whenever James pulled a face at her, the Annie that is so cheeky and the Annie that I love with all my heart and more, is gone. Tears stream down my face and my vision becomes so blurred that I don't even notice somebody talking to me "Annie's passed away, her lungs couldn't handle the smoke," that's all I heard before I broke down again.

After and hour of crying I realise James still doesn't know that she's gone. With shaky fingers I click on James' contact. He picks up almost instantly "How's Annie?" He asks me, a perfectly fine question, but it reduces me to tears. "She's.....gone," I make out between sobs "Wait, you mean she's died?" he asks, clearly not believing that she's not here anymore "yes," that's all I can say. "I'm coming to the hospital, you can't do this by yourself, I'll drop the others off with my parents," "Okay." I say then end the call. I still don't understand, how can she be gone?

Once James gets here I've calmed down again but I still feel broken and dying. I shut my eyes, trying to block everything out of my head so I can tell James what happened without breaking down again, I just feel strong arms wrap around my shoulders and a calming voice in my ear "It's going to get better, It's going to get better," he keeps repeating but right now it feels like nothing will ever be good again. I just crumble and let myself collapse into James' arms, I feel safe and protected. I slowly drift off to sleep, trying to forget about what's just happened.

James's POV (This isn't going to happen much, enjoy)

I look down to see Riley fast asleep in my arms, she looks so peaceful, like she did before we were getting  half an hour sleep every night, before the fire was started and before Annie died. What I haven't told her is that the dream house that we used to own is now just a crumbled piece of ash, me and the babies are living at my parents but I do have another house that we should be able to move into before long. The pain of loosing Annie hurts so bad. All I can think about is how perfect our life was and now we have just lost one of our children, I thought this day couldn't get any worse. "Do you know Eldon Lupien?" a doctor asked me "Ermmm, yeah he's a close friend of mine," I reply. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but, he's still in a coma and if he doesn't wake up within the next 24 hours we will have to turn off all life support." So this was it, not only had I lost Annie I was now almost certainly going to loose my best friend.

Riley's POV

I wake up again to hear crying, it must be time for one of the feed I think to myself. When I open my eyes I'm not at home, but in the hospital. That's when all the memories flood back. The crying is of someone whose just lost a loved one, I need to get out of this place, I need to go home. I look up at James and see that he's just watching me "Can we go home?" I ask him "well, the house doesn't really exist anymore," he tells me. To be honest I should probably care more than I do, the house would have reminded me of Annie too much anyway. "So where have you been all day?" I ask him "We're staying and my parents for a few days but I have just now bought us a brand new house," He tells me. This is basically the first piece of  remotely good news so I smile a weak smile and pull myself onto my feet. That's when for words I never thought I would say came out of my mouth "I want another child." I told James. "I mean we just lost Annie and we need some hope in our lives," I tell him seeing the shock on his face. "Okay." He tells me. So maybe there is light at the end of this extremely dark tunnel.