"RAVENCLAW!" The Sorting Hat shouted.
Ravenclaw? I thought.
WHY ME? Dad will sooooo hate me for this....
Wait.
Dad will hate me for this!
The perfect way to get his attention!
I watched as the all the Ravenclaws dropped their mouths open. I took the Sorting Hat off and stood up cockily. I waltzed over to their table and found an empty seat. I put my foot in the spot, and hoisted myself up onto the table. I turned one of my favorite fast-paced songs on on my wand, and began dancing. I danced really geeky, pointing my fingers in the air and twisting my legs.
Everyone else was staring at me.
"What? Doesn't everyone do this when they're happy?" I asked
Draco marched over to my table, grabbed my hand, and pulled me off the table by the waist. Everyone was watching with such intensity that it looked like their eyes were going to bug out of their heads.
"This disturbance has been sponsored by Jezzabelle Riddle, and was funded in part by viewers like you. Thank you!" I said in my best lady-monotone voice.
"Jez, you will sit down this instant! Don't be such a nuisance!" Draco told me. His lips were telling me how stupid I was, but his eyes were telling me that he thought that it was pretty funny.
I made a big show of being mad and stomping over to my seat and daintily placing my butt on it.
"Well, now that the sorting is complete, let us feast!" Dumbledore said.
All of a sudden, delicious hot food appeared in front of us. I made a big show of grabbing a lot of mashed potatoes with my fingers.
When I looked around for the reactions, I was surprised when two other girls did the exact same thing. I looked at them, and they smiled at me with potatoes squashed between their teeth. I then picked up a leg of some bird and, while chewing the potatoes, bit my teeth into it. I chewed the meat with my mouth open and poured some gravy into my mouth. They grabbed some ham and filled their mouths with it.
It was on.
I grabbed some peas and began throwing them at the girls. They got some corn and threw that at me. I picked up a wing from the bird in front of me, chewed the meat off, and threw that at them. They picked up the potatoes and tried to throw them at me.
I picked up an asparagus and threw it at one of them. It stuck in one of their noses. I stood up and placed one foot on the table and one on the seat and raised my hands in victory.
"WIN!" I said
Dumbledore did his cool hand-clappy thing, and McGonagal stared me down. The two girls both ran over to me and linked my elbows to theirs.
"What are you doing? Let me go!" I shouted at them
"Come on! Let's go to the common room!" One shouted at me. They began running.
"What are you doing? Don't you know that I'm evil?" I asked them
"Oh, if you were evil you would have been put in Slytherin. That's how we know that you're okay. And guess what! We're roomies!" The one shouted.
No.
No.
No.
I hate Hogwarts.
