Essays, Etc.

Sitting Completely Still, Etc.

A friend of mine and I recently discovered that a room in our classroom has motion-sensing lights, so that if you stand or sit completely still the lights will shut off after a certain amount of time without movement.

So, of course, we immediately ditched any work we had to do that day to sit in that room together, not moving a muscle.

“You can’t move,” she muttered, as she sat down. She kept wondering aloud about what the “shit on the floor” was. I said it looked like a coffee spill, but she refuted my theory and said it was “obviously shit” before sitting right on top of it.

I shrugged.

“Remember, you can’t move.”

“I know.”

We were talking out of the corner of our mouths. We had wondered earlier about exactly how much motion it could detect, and had both decided that there was no way in hell it could detect the motion of the corners of our mouths moving.

“Fhat the fell am I doingf wif my wife?”

My friend started laughing. I wasn’t sure if it was because she had understood that I had said “What the hell am I doing with my life” and found it funny, or if she just found the way I was speaking funny.

Either way, I didn’t laugh.

Once I started thinking about it, I couldn’t stop. I complain about wasting away my life, but then I find myself with a friend of mine in a room trying to get the lights to turn of through inactivity.

“Fe’re failures. Fe’re going to die, and we’ll haf done nuffing. Nuffing! We’re faiwures.”

My friend finally stopped sitting still and began to laugh so hard she fell over.

I remained still. I was doing this.

“Fuck you, I was so close.”

“It’s twue!”

My life at the time had consisted of the same thing; remaining completely still and praying for some unseen force to change things.

Fate, I had gathered, owed me a ton of good fortune, so I best wait for the delivery.

“So Nate’s being an asshole.”

“Mhmm.”

I was still not moving, because I’m so damned stuck in my ways.

I was doing this. This wasn’t a game anymore; this was a challenge.

“Every time I talk to him he’s just a total dick, you know? I mean, I know it’s weird to tell you this, since we don’t talk a lot, but it’s been really bothering me.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“I don’t want to. I don’t want to bother him with it. I guess I’m just sensitive.”

I remained still.

“Alright, well, I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Okway.”

She left the room, but remained completely still.

I was the only one moving, even though I was still sitting completely still, barely blinking.