Losing Him // phan

imsorry (9)

Ringing... Ringing...

I awoke with a start to my phone jangling next to my head. I groaned, peeling my face off the carpeted floor, raising my fingers to it to to feel the texture, briefly, then felt around the ground for my phone with my eyes closed.

There was a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I couldn't tell what it was.

Where was I?

"Mmhello?" I mumbled.

"Phil! Oh thank god." Then, quieter, muffled, "He answered." I pried my eyes open and looked around. I was in Dan's room.

"What's it like? An existential crisis?"

'Like a black tsunami of thoughts rising up and washing over me, tossing me this way and that, ramming me into countless building after body after bloody anything and I can't swim to the surface because everywhere only goes down. So I drown.'

'That's sounds terrible.'

'It's the worst.' Dan smiled. 'But that's not what my subscribers want to see.'

I remembered.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Oh. It's Dan's mum. Did he get a new number?" I sat up and rubbed my free hand along my face. Dan's mum. Coming. New number. Got to get dressed.

"Oh. No. I, uh, he canceled his phone service." Phil, stop lying. Just tell them.

"Oh. Well, that makes sense because I called his number and this person answered and they had no idea who I was talking about. Why'd he'd cancel?"

"Oh. Uh, I'm not sure."

"Is he there? We'd love to talk to him."

"Not at the moment. But you'll be here soon." I couldn't bring myself to say his name, or anything about where he was or what happened. I knew that prolonging this was only making this worse, but I had to prepare myself for what was inevitability coming. "Bye." I said . Before Mrs. Howell could respond, I quickly hung up, my phone dropping from my hand and to the floor. I sat up all the way, and looked around.

I couldn't remember how long it had been since I had been in here. A month. More, probably. I still had his note in my hand.

The video...

There was no point in putting it off. Today would be a day for redemption. To finish business. To find out, straight from his mouth, why Dan couldn't go on any more.

I pushed myself up and stood on unsteady legs. To his computer. Turned it on, my ears greeted with the start up sound. A quiet hum.

His background. A picture of us. Was that Japan? That was fun. I missed that. I may never go back. I don't think I could.

His password. I couldn't think for a second. Why'd he have a password? What could it be?

I tried one. Adrian. Incorrect. I thought again. Kanye. Incorrect.

One last try. I don't think I could do it again. imsorry.

Welcome.

It was already up in a window.  The video.  A saved draft inside the editing software that he used, that was outdated but he still loved and couldn't stand to update or change. I hovered the mouse over the play button. I braced myself.

"Hello Internet,"...