blue neighbourhood ✧ tronnor (incomplete)

21. Connor

Troye and I sat in silence in the lounge until Anastasia left. I knew he'd have questions, but I didn't know how I'd answer them. I'd missed him more than I was willing to admit, but I didn't get what his deal was. Things had been going great until he showed up, bringing memories of the past months flooding back. Everything suddenly felt so overwhelming and I didn't know how to feel. Part of me wanted to yell and scream, while the rest of me wanted to hold Troye in my arms and bury my head in his chest, reluctant to let him go.

Once I heard the front door close, signaling Anastasia's absence from the house, I turned to look at Troye in the eyes. "You have some explaining to do."

Troye seemed taken aback by my remark. "I need to explain? Why don't you start! How come you never replied to my calls? Never even acknowledged them with a text or anything just so I knew you were okay."

"I.." My head hung. All of a sudden, I couldn't continue to be mad at Troye. Maybe it was me that had to do the talking and I'd just convinced myself otherwise. "I don't know. I was stupid, so clueless about what was truly important. I guess I was so scared of everything going on with my Dad that I became blind to all the good things in my life. Not that I had many, but you were the best one. In a way, I guess you still kind of are. But things are different now, Troye. Very different. And I don't think you showing up here today is going to make things any better, no matter how much wishful thinking the both of us are capable of doing."

"Explain different. Tell me exactly why I should leave here after we're done talking and just keep my distance." Troye spoke uncertainly.

He didn't understand, and he wouldn't. I didn't want him to leave here and be distant. I wanted him to be the one I fell asleep next to at night and woke up to the following morning knowing I was safe and that everything was okay. But things couldn't be that way, yet I didn't know where to begin with regards to explaining myself to him.

"The girl you saw on your way in; that's Anastasia. She and I have been seeing eachother for the past couple of months. We met not long after you disappeared out of the equation for a little while. I like her but it's weird. I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you, Troye, or at least I did before everything collapsed. But my Dad approves of her and things between us have settled marginally. He still loses his temper and stuff sometimes, but he tends to leave me alone now. I want it to stay that way, I don't want to be scared of my own Dad again."

Troye nodded slowly. "So what do you want with regards to you and I?"

"I could ask you exactly the same question."

The atmosphere between the pair of us had grown increasingly tense. The distance between us seemed to continually grow, and I wanted more than anything to break it. However, I knew there was nothing I could do - I had to be the strong one in this situation.

"I want to see you again, Con. You have no idea how worried I've been about you since I last saw you months ago. Even if nothing can come of us anymore, I understand. But please don't be a stranger anymore, I miss you." Troye spoke quietly, avoiding eye contact with me completely as he talked.

Hearing his words made my heart sink a little. It was strange to see such an emotional side to Troye, considering when the two of us had been at college together he managed to maintain an act of someone with little to no emotional capacity. But combining that with the fact that the blue eyed, curly haired boy who'd tried to convince everyone around him that he was someone he's not, was currently sat metres away from me confessing his true feelings towards me, was even more unique.

"I can't lie, Troye, I really have missed you too. But you need to understand why I'm telling you this stuff. If my Dad were to find out that we had contact again, everything would go back to the way it was before. I can't go through that again, I'm still only just recovering."

Once again, Troye nodded slowly. "I do understand. I just don't want to."

"I'm sorry Troye," I said, getting to my feet. "But this is just the way things have to be from now on."

Troye copied my actions, rising from the sofa to stand in front of me. "Can we at least text?"

I contemplated the offer for a moment before nodding. "I guess so. It'd be nice to still be able to talk to you."

"One more thing," Troye stepped closer to me.

I knew exactly what was going to happen but I did nothing to prevent it. Instead, I let it happen. In fact, I almost wished for it to. Within a matter of seconds, I felt Troye's lips brush mine. He hesitated until I pulled him back, allowing our lips to crash together and move in time with eachother. As I kissed him, everything came back to me. The feelings I'd always had for him; the ones I'd repressed rather than getting rid of them, and the same butterflies I'd had the first time we kissed came fluttering back.

I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me in closer, and I moulded into his embrace. I felt warm, safe and happy - an emotional state I hadn't found myself in for what felt like forever. Everything felt okay again, and I realised just how much I really did want Troye back in my life again. It all made sense now. This was my happiness; this was what is needed all along.

"I love you, Connor Franta." Troye looked down into my eyes and I felt a smile spread across my lips. "I always have. And always will."

I'm back with a fluffy update for you; enjoy it lovies xo