misanthropic

your alter ego is still alive my friend

Dear Wallflower,

Life hasn't changed much, outside and inside of school, now I know how you feel, you know, about being a wallflower and all. I know at first I kept telling you that it couldn't have been that bad, but boy was I wrong. Since the move, I've been treated like a painting hanging up on the walls of the hallways, a class photo, a flyer, or even the attendance sheet. People bump into me, and pretend that I'm not there. Now I know what it feels like, to be invisible. I go days without uttering a single word, my parents think I'm just being sassy, people at school think something is wrong with me.

They think I'm mute.

Some people actually go up to me and ask me if I'm mute, but who could blame them right? I can't even remember what I was like before the move. Oh wait, I do. I was the most hyper active 15 year old girl you could ever meet. I'd talk whenever I got the chance to, I'd make jokes, I'd sing. I'd comfort people. But now, the person who really needs comforting is me. Now, I would just make up an excuse, so I wouldn't have to talk. I spend most of my time on the internet, talking to strangers, kind of like what you used to do. I would vent. I would tell them everything about me. But not personal information of course, I'm not that stupid. They would turn out to be really nice people, but they're the kind of people that would talk to you once and then leave, you know? Kind of like a One Night Stand. I like to call it that.

One Night Stand.

You know, I've never told you that I wasn't allowed to date. Well I'm telling you now, I am not allowed to date. I respect my family's traditions of course, I would never date until I'm allowed to. Walking in the long, narrow, school hallways, couples on your left, and on your right, can hurt a little. I'm not allowed to date, yes. But who said anything about crushes. Of course, as a 15 year old, I have a high school crush. Not only does he go to my school, but we're neighbours. Too Cliche? I guess so. I don't even know his name, I just like the way he talks and the way his hair covers his forehead, how his voice is so deep, Adele's rolling in it (sorry Wallflower, I had to.), his Chevrolet Impala 67 and the way he rests his arm on the window bank while driving it. I also like how he looks at me every time I embarrass myself. He doesn't look at me like I've just made a fool of myself in public, no. He looks at me like with fondness in his eyes and the corners of his eyes crinkle as if I've embarrassed myself just to make him smile.

I wouldn't even call it a Crush.

I've come to a conclusion, that I cannot make friends in the real world, as it involves too much interaction, and of course talking. So, I've started talking to people online, whenever I'm bored. I've come across a fair share of Perverts, got catfished mulitple times, the usual. There was this guy, he was 16, a total gentleman, he wasn't cute, far from it actually, he said that he liked me, as a friend of course. We talked for a day, and then the next day, he asked me to date him, online, long distance, me, online, long distance. Surprisingly I said yes, but only because I was going to stop talking to him eventually right? Five minutes later, he said he loved me. I was angry, for the most part. I told him that I couldn't do it, and blocked him. You know,

One Night Stand style.

So I think I've come to another conclusion, which is, that if a guy tells you he loves you, after you talked for a day, then he is desperate. And well, fake.You know, being a wallflower isn't that bad, I can live with it, just like you did, I miss you. A lot. Oh, and by the way, apparently I'm smart. Yes, you heard me, or rather read, smart. I've improved a lot in math, and every other subject basically. You know being a wallflower really does have its perks (get it?) I get to pass with flying colours, while everyone else is out getting drunk, and high. High. You wouldn't believe how many people at school smoke, right in front of the teachers. That must take gutts. This one time, a girl went to the boy's washroom and punched a guy in face, just because he said he liked her? You just had to leave me in this messed up world, huh? It's not your fault. I miss you. I love you.

I Love You.

Sincerely Yours,

Your misanthropic alter ego