It's Not Easy (NaNoWriMo!)

Home Coming

Home Coming

Warm water gushed from my mouth. I coughed and sputtered, rolling over onto my side to let the contents of my lungs fall onto the rocky ground. Cold air filled my lungs and I flopped onto my back.

My clothing had a thin layer of ice covering them, making it hard to move. The icy locket burned my skin, but was still there. My body shivered violently and I realized I could barely move my hands.

"Don't move," a raspy voice cooed. More murmuring voices came into focus, but I could not understand any. Sirens wailed in the distance and another violent shiver riveted my body. My vision started going blurry, until it faded out all together.

A scene played through my head, one that had been stuck in my memory for ten years.

I hummed softly to myself, impatiently kicking my feet against the seat of the car. My mother's brunette head turned to face me, her brown eyes bored into mine.

"Sammy," she gave me a look, and my kicking halted.

"Daddy," I asked, leaning forward in my seat.

"Yes, Antha?" I have a tired giggle at the use of my nickname.

"When we get home, will I get to meet Santa?" I asked as dad fired up the engine.

He gave a low chuckle, "You met Santa at the party."

"That was Uncle Jim with a felt beard."

There was a large *crunch* coming from my dad's side of the car. I was shaken around violently as the car skidded toward the guard rail. Another loud crunch sounded and the vehicle collided with the metal of the railing. My head slammed into the door and my vision faded.

I awoke from the nightmare. I was in a dim room laying on a bed that wasn't my own.

"She's awake," a paramedic call over her shoulder. I heard the sounds of an oxygen tank. After realizing I was the one hook up to it, I started to panic. My eyes moved rapidly around the back the ambulance, and my breathing increased even though I could hardly breath.

"Shh, it's okay. We are helping you," she put a gentle hand on my shoulder. I could hear the rapid beeping slow to a eerie slow pace.

"Hurry!" the lady hissed to the driver. "We're loosing her."

My breathing became shallow, and my eyes drooped.

"Almost there. Focus on my voice. It's okay, we'll help you," the paramedic cooed.

Cold tears slid down my eyes as my body gave another violent shutter. I slowly slipped away, reality shifted again.

It was spring time. Never ending blue sky stretched out in front of me and green grass tickled my bare feet. My mother stood beside me. Her chocolate brown hair waved down her back, just like mine. She giggled and wiggled her toes, letting the wind ruffle her purple party dress.

My father stood on my other side. His blue eyes scrunched as she laughed at my mother, just like mine. He ran a hand threw his thick blonde air. When he smiled the wrinkles under his eyes seemed to disappear.

They both took my hand and together we plummeted off the cliff, landing in the warm, silky water. I laughed when I popped back up, but instantly stopped.

My parents floated on top the water, blood seeped from their lifeless bodies and engulfed me in guilt.

I scream and my body jolted forward. I sat stiff in a hospital bed, my hair tickled the part of my back that peeked through the thin hospital gown. My hand shot to my neck, searching for my locket. As soon as my hand hit the cold metal, I removed it from my neck. It clicked open in my pale fingers. The faces of my parents peered up at me, the picture had gone unharmed by the fall. I sobbed into my hands and took deep breathes.

The room was dark and I was alone, until Blair stepped in and turned the light on. Without a word, she wrapped me into a comforting hug.

"I'm sorry," she cooed, her warm breath sent shivers down my back. "I should have seen this sooner. Please don't ever do that to me again."

I couldn't say anything, I was sobbing to hard into her shoulder. When she pulled away she wiped the tears off my cheek and tried to smile at me, but it recoiled and turned into a frown.

"Where's Jane?" I asked once I found the ability to speak.

"Crying in the waiting room. She blames herself for this," Blair whispered.

"And Jack?" I whispered back.

"We left him with the neighbours over night."

I fell onto the sand paper like pillow and moaned. My body still stiff and tired.

"I'm sorry."

A day later I was able to go home, with a strong suggestion that I see a counsellor three times a week. I walked down the hallway with Blair and my aunt at my side. My aunt hadn't said much since the incident. She had told me she was sorry, then we sobbed into each other's arms for what seemed like forever. As we walked down the hallway, she kept two stepped behind me, her eyes boring into the back of my head. No one spoke on the way home, and I forced myself not to look at the bridge, but I was unsuccessful. It looked so different during the day. The blue railing was perched proudly on the side of the road and the sudden drop looked harmless.  I took a deep breath and forced myself to look away.

A few more painfully silent minutes later, I stood in front of my home, though it didn’t feel like home. It was the same little yellow house nestled in between two frayed hedges, but it felt like I was coming home from the Olympics with no gold. It felt like I had failed to do the one thing I was meant to do, be with my parents.

I never though of death as a welcoming thing, up until now. Before it was something I feared and putting it upon yourself was distasteful and cowardly. Now I had come to realize that it was the only way to escape the pain, and reunite my family.

But all those thoughts were flooded from my head when I saw Jack curled up into a ball on the couch, hugging his taxi-man dinosaur. I watched his chest rise and fall while he slept. I didn’t ever realize our neighbour had walked outside, with nothing more then a sorrowful nod toward my Aunt.