Chains

Chapter 30

Anger. There was no other way that could explain how I felt about the situation but anger. Any hopes I had of rekindling our relationship were crushed,trampled and completely annihilated. Out of all the things they could announce I never expected it to be that she was pregnant. She wasn't suppose to get pregnant by another man,she was mine. Sure she was just starting not hate me as much as she use to but I really thought that somewhere deep down she still had some feelings for me; the same feelings that I still had for her.

But she didn't. She was having a child with another man so she couldn't. She was about to take on a new journey in life and I wasn't a part of it.  So why was I trying to be? Why was I contemplating on staying friends with her as means of being a part of her life despite my uncontrollable feelings for her? Why did I keep thinking that that should be me? 

Rafaela didn't make this any better either. My sister found my attitude to be ridiculous and had no problem with calling me out on it. I frowned deeply as I remembered her words.

"Did you forget that you got another girl pregnant while you guys were together or did it slip your memory?"

It didn't slip my memory but I tried hard to forget. The ills of my past haunted me daily. I always wondered where our relationship would be now if I hadn't screwed up. Would we be married? Would I be the one fathering her child? I guess I would never know. 

But what did Maluma have that I didn't? In my opinion they're a match destined for failure.Louisa wasn't into the flashy,high-profile scene and he obviously was. Lousia doesn't care for a lavish lifestyle which exactly Maluma's cup of tea. It puzzled me how they were in a relationship much less how they were bringing a child into the world.

 Rafaela's words flashed in my head,bringing me back to reality. My hypocrisy was becoming more than I could handle. There I was bashing her for doing the same thing I had years ago ,despite the fact that she wasn't cheating when it happened.

There was no escape to this fiasco as my mind wouldn't allow me to forget. But I had to find a way. My attitude was unhealthy and would, for sure, get me kicked out of her life permanently. I had to find a way to mask my feelings as the weren't that important in the first place.I had to be happy for her but to do that I had to get rid of all my pent up emotion.

So there I was standing in front of her apartment,trying to build up the courage to face her and release all my inner turmoil. Before I could knock on the door ,it opened revealing a dressed up Louisa. Her straight hair was curled lightly as she wore a plain black halter dress.The purse and keys in her hand were more than enough indication that she was going out and I ,like always, was too late.

"Neymar?" she said,her face sported an expression of shock. I gave her a small crooked smile and an awkward wave.

"Sorry,I should've called to see if you're busy" I said,regretting that I hadn't thought of that beforehand.

"Oh that's ok. Did you need something?" she asked,stepping outside and locking her door in the process.I contemplated telling her everything but I didn't want to spoil her night.I ultimately decided that I didn't want to give her another reason to hate me so I said 'no'.

"Are you sure? Cause you came all this way when you could've just called" she said,resting her back on the door behind her. I nodded my head in response,trying my best to keep a happy face on. She gave me a look that told me she didn't believe me but she didn't press the issue.

We said her goodbyes and she began to walk down the hall as she said her drive was now here.I watched as she was soon greeted by Maluma when she was halfway down the hallway. The way she looked at him angered me. The way he held her angered me. The way they kissed angered me.

The way she wasn't mine angered me.