ONE.
***
December 20, 2011
You know that feeling when you thought everything was going to be fine because you’re with the one you truly love, the one whom you genuinely thought would never dare screw your miserable life over? That feeling when you almost always reach cloud nine with just his stare, his smile, his mere touch. Yes, even those simple things never fail to give you the shudders—in a good kind, of course. And, would you dare let the thought of him courting you slip off your mind? Of course not! You remember those incredible moments together for as long as you could. Admit it, if it were possible, you’d save it on your brain just so you could replay it over and over again.
Yes, it’s sappy and all over the place, but don’t you dare deny the fact that your brain becomes just as fuzzy as my descriptions with just the thought of him.
But then, what would you do if ever he finds someone else? What if you realize that all your assumptions about him were very much wrong? What if, after some time, after you fall deeply for him, he suddenly gives off a strange aura known as infidelity? What if everything was not really a fairytale? What if he was really just a pretentious little fvck? What if he was just playing with you?
What if?
Will you be able to get up and fight for your broken heart? Will you be able to at least tell him he was being so unfair? Most of all, will you be able to pick up even the littlest shards of your wounded heart and start again?
Will you be able to do that?
Well, I, most certainly, was never able to do that.
Why, you ask?
That’s simply because I love him too much to leave him. I don’t want him to feel sad. I want to be there for him even though he was never there for me in my depressing moments. Not that it was really necessary for him to be there, it’s just that, I guess the pain would be at least bearable enough for me if I just see his reassuring smile and his velvety voice telling me that everything will be fine in the end. I want him to be happy, even if it meant that he had to leave me for the mean time. After all, I know he will return to me. He always does.
I’ve grown quite accustomed to the fact that John will never be able to maintain his fidelity with me. I’m slowly realizing that he will soon get tired of me and will find another woman to pleasure him in some ways and give him something I could not give him. It hurts, yes, but that’s the only way I could do to make him stay. No other woman of his ever became as hopeless as I am now, going as far as to actually become a martyr for him to just be with me. I feel like a pathetic b!tch, but who cares? In the eyes of many, I am like this hopeless little puppy seeking for his attention and love, but I would know better. Who would ever know me better than myself, right?
Basically, by letting him do what he pleases is like suicide in my case. He has this habit of lying all the time, but once again, I know better. I can’t stand a second just watching him cuddle any other woman—especially that Melanie girl, but if I ever get mad at him, he might break up with me.
I love him too much for that.
He screwed my life over in more ways than one, but I love him all the same. I guess he really knows that he’s got me wrapped around his finger. I’m his puppet, and I follow all his commands—may it be foolish or degrading in my case.
I do those things all for love, so I guess it’s alright if I get hurt.
It’s stupid, but my heart knows better.
Signed,
Nicole
***
Snippet End
Reviews / Suggestions are much appreciated, so is a well-written concrit. :)
