Triggering Trinity

Ode to Sleep

   I didn't sleep. I couldn't bring myself to do so. I felt like it wasn't fair for me to rest, I felt guilty if I did so. It had only been five days since Victoria passed away. It didn't feel like five days, but I had no real perception of time at the moment.

   I sat on my bed, as tears rolled down my face. This has been common lately. As soon as I came back home all my emotions were scattered like puzzle pieces on a floor. Nothing felt right anymore.  Any basic need like sleep and food felt irrelevant.

    My mind constantly replayed the memory of Victoria covered in blood, her face was so pale and lifeless, she didn't look recognizable. I kept thinking if I had only gotten back to the room sooner I could have saved her, she'd still be here. I was blaming myself but blaming myself was better than blaming her for the reason she'd never be back.

    More tears slipped past my eyes, and a knock on my door was heard. I didn't respond, I didn't have enough motivation to give anyone permission to enter. I didn't have to respond though, the next thing I knew Damian had entered my room.

   "Trinity, a worker from the hospital dropped this off for you" he said as he walked over to me and handed me an envelope.

To Trinity from Nathan, I found this under Victoria's mattress.

   I gazed at the sealed letter, not sure how to feel about it.

"I'll be in my room if you need me" Damien said before walking out.

I held the letter in my hand, running my thumb over the sealed paper front, scratching at the tape holding it closed.

I peeled off the tape slowly, inside was a folded notebook paper, I pulled it out knowing full well of what it was. I unfolded it, my stomach dropping at the sight of the letter. The last thing Victoria left behind.

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Dear Trinity,

If you're reading this alone in our room, I'm so sorry. I want you to know this was not your fault in anyway. This world is just too much for me and I'm not a fighter. I don't think any kind of medicine would have fixed my problems, but I don't want you to feel that way. I wont condone it. You're different, I can see it in your eyes, there's still hope for you.

Even when day time feels like night time I need you to try for me, to push yourself a little more. This world is cruel but you're the pureness it needs within it. I really wish I could have stayed, stayed and made something more of us with you. You helped me get away, forget who I was and what my past made of me, and I love you for that.

Promise me one thing. That you will keep on living. When times get hard, please push through and try to find the light. I'm still here for you, Trinity, just under different circumstances. I love you, don't forget me.

                                                                             Love, Victoria

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Even though tears ran down my face, my heart felt at ease. Victoria was sick, and she knew she wasn't the type to recover. Everyones faith is different, everyone has a different strength. What doesn't kill you, may kill others.

Does that mean life isn't worth living? No. It just means we're all the deciders of our own faith. Our lives are worth so much more than we believe in, we're not just some object that takes up space.

We will all have our off days, and  no matter how small or worthless we sometimes feel, we have a purpose to this world we hate and blame. The pictures aren't always clear but you can still make something out of them.

Happieness isn't about the objects we have or the peole we don't have, its about truly finding peace within yourself, and that all that matters.

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THE END. YUP SORRY. I went back and read through this story and cringed at most of my writing. I do want to write another story but I'm not creative. Sorry if you waited forever to read the ending and read this disappointment. oops.