Haunted by the past

Chapter Nineteen

Maddie studied them for an age silently, and then bizarrely realised that she felt nothing. She’d feared she’d cry, that she’d grieve for all that they’d never been for her, or been angry and attack them with her crutches, or even be bitter, but whatever she’d anticipated it was nothing like the reality. There was a distance there that she knew mimicked that of Rose’s children. Too much had passed, too many parts of her life and progressed without them that there was really no place for them in her affections. It surprised her, but she also was glad, glad that she didn’t fall apart. This was her first test, and already she was feeling as though she could conquer the world.

Her mother’s eyes were watery with tears and her father looked very strained. They were both finding this harder than she was.

                "I’ve been better,” she finally replied, “but I’ve also been a lot, lot worse."

                "Where do we start?" her father offered.

Madeline paused for a few moments, "I don’t know. I’ve imagined this moment for years, how I’d react to you, what I’d say. And to be honest none of it was pleasant. But in reality I have nothing to offer."
Her mother snuffled a sob, and Madeline suddenly found the anger that she’d expected. “For god’s sake! How dare you sit there and cry? I am here in a Mental Health Rehabilitation Unit where I’ve spent months learning to cope with my life. And YOU are the one snivelling! Don’t try and turn this around so it’s poor mother!”

                "Maddie....." her father began.

But she wasn’t ready to listen, “do you two have any idea what you’ve done to me?”

                “You wanted for nothing!” Her father was a hardworking man, he’d come from a poor background, his parents teetered on the line of poverty and he’d had no luxury as a child, and he now catalogued success in terms of material gains.

                “A TV in my bedroom and a good sound system does not make for great parenting. And to be honest I’ve wanted for a lot of things for SO many years!”

She wished she had the energy to stand and pace the room, it was exactly what she felt she should be doing, but instead she was forced to face them, front it out over the small three foot square table. “When I needed you, you didn’t just not believe me, didn’t just snub me, you ostracized me, at eighteen I was on my own. You have no idea how hard my life has been. Now you want to come and see me to absolve some of your own guilt. This was never about you seeing me, checking how I was, it 's all about YOU."

                “Maddie!” Her father had the audacity to challenge her.

                "No father let me speak. All my life I’ve been treated as second best, a letdown. Through no help from you I did well in University, and now after a few lost years, I’ve got myself a good job, started to make something of my life, and for the first time, I felt good about myself, I felt worthy of success. And it has nothing to do with you!" Evan she thought, he was the reason she no longer craved their approval, their attention. He’d seen the good in her, he’d been the support, the protector, the defender, and he’d been the one to make her believe in herself. Him and his undying love. And she’d pushed him away.

His love.

She couldn’t hide the smile that made her lips curl up, but she had to look away, remember why they were here, why she was there.  She looked at her parents, both sat in front of her wanting to avenge their own behaviour, needing her to forgive them for whatever they felt they’d done wrong.

She sighed, pulling out her trump card, “Have you spoken to your son in law?"

They shrugged, and it was the first time her mother spoke, "he told us you’d had an accident. But that you wouldn’t see him or Libby. That your friends made them leave."