Call It Crazy

Yes, I'm Fine.

The night was not peaceful, to say the least. Almost every hour on the hour, I found myself both awake and terribly homesick. I could hear Tay’s easy breathing, but besides that, there was no sound. I turned and tossed, eventually facing Tay though her back was to me. I reached a hand up timidly to her hair, my fingers gently running through it, and I kind of smiled as she sighed in her sleep. I moved my body closer to hers until I could feel her body heat wrapping around me and warming me just as well as she did when she held me. I closed my eyes and allowed my overactive nerves to calm down, for even the dark was not as frightening when I was so close to her. I chose to ignore my thoughts that tried to warn me of my stupidity, for I could deal with them in the morning when they were under new light.

I was just turning over to sleep when I heard footsteps walking across the floor and towards Tay’s side of the bed.

“Tay,” I heard a sleep deprived voice whisper and I immediately recognized it to be Savvie’s. She shook Tay’s shoulders and whispered her name again. Once aroused, Tay sleepily muttered, “What?”

“Come outside.” Savvie whispered. She quietly groaned and asked what time it was.

“Five.”

“No. Go back to sleep.” She whispered, seeming irritated.

“Please?”

All was silent as Tay sighed and slowly hoisted herself off the bed and followed Savvie towards the sliding glass door. I watched as they opened the curtains to reveal the early morning sky that was still rather dark- for the sun had yet to rise- but bright enough to see clearly. Early morning fog was swimming across the ground as they sat down on the porch steps. They both sat there, silent for a while as they stared out at the surrounding trees.

“I’m sorry I woke you, but I couldn’t sleep.”

Tay looked over at her but said nothing. Savvie only stared at her hands, which she had clasped around her legs.

“You miss Ace.”

It was a while before Savvie replied.

“I like Jake. I really do, but…I still…” She sighed out of frustration. “I shouldn’t still have feelings for Ace. I mean, I broke it off, right?” She laughed without humor. “I’m really stupid sometimes.”

Tay still said nothing and only stared at Savvie with an almost amused, calculating look.

“Ace doesn’t hate you. Just talk to him.”

“I don’t want to, though. I want to move on from him.”

“But you aren’t.”

“And I have no business not. I screwed it up, remember?”

“Not as bad as you seem to think you have.”

To this, Sav looked up at her and for the first time I noticed how helpless she looked. Her eyes were brimmed heavily with red and were swollen from either incapability to sleep or tears. Perhaps both.

“He deserves better, though. I’m fucked up.”

Tay laughed and said, “So is he. So is everyone. Especially here. I don’t think he’s going to have much luck trying to find a perfect person.”

“He should try though. He deserves that much.’’

“He deserves failed hopes? Sav, just tell him. He’s much more forgiving than you give him credit for.”

“He shouldn’t forgive me, after what I did.”

Again, it was silent for a while.

“Everyone makes mistakes.”