Me Without You

Chapter 2

Sitting in Lestrades office, Sherlock felt something akin to happiness. It was a diluted feeling, as if he couldn't quite remember if this was happiness he was feeling. But whatever it was, it was better than anything  he'd felt in three years and he wanted it to stay.

Lestrade had a look of quiet bewilderment on his face that told Sherlock he was still trying to wrap his head around it all. Sherlock couldn't blame him. If he saw someone who he'd thought dead for three years, he'd be a little shocked too. Of course the evidence was all there, they just let their emotions cloud their better judgement. But then, Sherlock couldn't say much...he'd been letting his emotions come over him all too much.

Lestrade had worn the same look of bewilderment the entire time Sherlock told him how it had happened.

Breaking the tense silence they had been sitting in, Lestrade was the first to speak.

"Sherlock..does any-"

"Well does...

Lestrade paused thoughtfully.

"Sherlock...does anyone else know?" he asked carefully.

"No. Just you. And I suppose anyone who recognised me on the streets today. But people are wholly unobservant and if it's not reached social media yet I suspect it won't."

"So..John doesn't know?"

"No." Sherlock answered shortly.

"Ok, ok" Lestrade said, sensing the tone, "Well, I'm going to assume you haven't just been hanging around London and I simply haven't noticed you. my observational skills aren't that bad"

"Is there a question?" he asked icily.

"Why now?" Lestrade asked softly.

Sherlock glanced up at Lestrade. He pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sighed. He considered lying to Lestrade, sparing them both the emotions that went along with the truth. But, he decided Lestrade deserved the truth.

"I just...got so tired of being alone."

Lestrade raised his eyebrows, surprised at Sherlock, but said nothing. Sherlock looked up to see Lestrade's reaction and gave a hollow laugh.

"Typical," he muttered, "the machine doesn't have feelings! The robot doesn't get lonely!" he cried, raising his voice.

"Sherlock! I didn't mean anything by it" Lestrade said trying to hide the guilt in his voice.

Sherlock didn't respond. He stood up and took to pacing the room. Lestrade sighed and rubbed his temples again. He could feel a headache coming on. Lestrade leaned back in his chair, thinking deeply about something. After a few minutes he started speaking.

"Sherlock, if you're going to...come back..you're going to have to do it properly. You have to tell everyone."

Sherlock surveyed him, still wearing a cooly blank expression.

"And who exactly is everyone?"

"You know who I mean. You know you'll have to tell him. You know you have to tell John" Lestrade said softly.

Sherlock sighed, once again letting his emotions cloud his fwatures.

"You don't think I've tried?"

" What do you mean?"

Reluctantly, Sherlock told Lestrade about the phone calls. About all the emails he had typed and never sent. About all the times he had thought about just calling in to Baker Street.

When Sherlock finished talking Lestrade noticed how tired he looked; As if he hadn't slept in weeks.

Lestrade stayed quiet for a few minutes. Thinking, making up his mind about something. When he spoke, it was in a firm voice.

"We're going to see John".

Sherlocks head snapped up, panic in his eyes.

"No..not yet...I I need more time"

"No you don't, " Lestrade said forcefully, "The longer you wait the harder it'll get".

Sherlock didn't argue this time, but the panicked look didn't leave his face.

Sherlock followed Lestrade out to his car. Sitting in the passenger seat, he stared out the window, feeling nervous about what he was about to do.

Sure, he had thought about returning. He'd thought about it a million and one times, but now that it was actually happening...

"Lestrade, I don't think I can do this" Sherlock said in a quiet, steady voice.

"You're going to have to" he replied shortly.

How?! Sherlock thought desperately. How do you tell someone you haven't seen in years, someone who thinks you're dead, someone who was once the most important person to you, that you've been alive the entire time?!

Lestrades car rounded the corner onto Baker Street and Sherlock felt his heart start to beat faster. He couldn't remember ever feeling this nervous.

Lestrade pulled in outside Speedys cafe and killed the engine. He got out of the car and walked around to the path. He waited a minute before opening Sherlocks door for him.

Sherlock looked up at Lestrade,pleading silently with his eyes.

"It's now or never".

At Lestrades words, Sherlock took a deep breath and got up out of the car. Lestrade, closing the door behind Sherlock, led the way towards that black door they both knew so well.

Three knocks on the door. The sound seemed to echo around Sherlocks head. Sherlock went through a thousand different outcomes before the door opened.

When it did, when Sherlock saw John standing in the doorway, all nerves were lost. A small smile played on his lips.

"Hello John."