Be mine - A Teenlock/Johnlock

11. Apologizes

       

Sherlock sighed, slowly taking off his coat and hung it up. He felt his heart tearing apart, and he hated it. He couldn't bear to see John's hurt in his eyes. He's avoiding John to avoid a broken heart. But avoiding him only makes it more painful. He's always been good for Sherlock, even Sherlock was completely rude.

Sherlock sighed again, hearing footsteps coming closer. Mrs Hudson stood still in the doorway, her eye brows were pursed together. Sherlock never but never got greeted like that.

"Sherlock." She paused, stepping closer. "What was John doing here?" She asked.

"I don't know." Sherlock shrugged, trying to pass her, but she took a step aside, blocking his way.

"John was sitting in front of the house for more than an hour. Ten seconds after you arrived, he left." She told him. "Are you two having a fight?" She asked with a concern in her tone.

"Why do you care?" He muttered, with a dull expression.

"Because I didn't see you happy in years." She said motherly, placing a hand on Sherlock's arm. Sherlock stepped back, scowling at her.

"No. I do not." He replied bluntly.

"I spoke Mrs Watson this morning while laying the rubbish bags outside. Very lovely woman. We were talking about several things. You know the weather..." Sherlock sighed and rolled his eyes as she continued blabbering about useless things. "She told me that John is acting weird lately. Normally he's the one smiling at home, but lately he's all down. And since you two never meet any more. And don't tell me you are. I see you walking to school every morning, young man. So I'm guessing it's about you." She said, bit sternly. "John is a good boy. He doesn't deserve-"

"Deserve what? A broken heart?" Sherlock snapped. Mrs Hudson made a startled noise at his sudden outburst, she suddenly realized something.

"Sherlock." She sighed. "Is this about what happened with Redbeard and after?" She asked softly. Sherlock didn't reply but his frozen expression said enough. "Sherlock dear. You can't lock you away for the rest of your life. Heart breaks are part of our life. I know what happened with Redbeard was cruel; and unhuman. I know dear. But that doesn't mean that others will break your heart like that. John is a good person, with his heart on the right place. Do you realise that you're breaking his heart with avoiding him without any explanation. If you stop your friendship with John." She started with disapproval in her voice. "Then please tell him why. He deserve an explanation." She said reassuring. She then took Sherlock in a tight hug, knowing that he needed one. He was shivering slightly.

"Why I am not normal, Mrs Hudson?" Sherlock asked with a croaked voice.

"Oh Sherlock. You're better than normal." She said kissing his head. "I know you like John's friendship. Tell him how you feel dear." She said with a smile.

"He probably hates me now." Sherlock muttered.

"If he hated you. He wouldn't wait an hour in front of the house with bad weather while his warm house was only metres away." She chuckles lovely. A small smile was appearing on his lips. He then nodded stiffly.

"I guess you're right."

"I am right, Mr Holmes." She said teasingly. "Now go to John."

"Not now." He replied, his eyes widening. "Tomorrow." He said.

After that Sherlock settled him down onto his bed, scanning the latest news. He found an interesting case but after five minutes, he growled and tossed his laptop on the other side of the bed. He couldn't think straight. The only thing that appears to be in his mind was John. John Watson. He ruffled his hair in annoyance and closed his eyes, fingers steepled as in praying, visiting his mind palace once again.

After dinner Sherlock settled himself down in his hammock. He really liked his hammock. It's so relaxing. The weather was still cold, the sun was hovering above London, not yet disappearing behind the clouds. He opened his book and began reading the last chapter of Anne Frank. Mrs Hudson handed Sherlock a brown blanket, knowing that it's cold outside. He thanked her with appreciation and continued reading. Ten minutes later, Sherlock turned pale and his whole body froze.

"Hi Sherlock." A quiet voice said on the other side of the edge. Sherlock couldn't reply. It was like his lips were glued together. He closed his eyes, terrified to reply. He sighed inwardly, hating how his body and mind was reacting. Sherlock heard John sighing, and he then cleared his throat.

"I know you're there." He paused. "Mom took away my ball, so I can't throw it to you as excuse to have a conversation." He muttered. Sherlock sneaked a smile at the reminder of Sunday. "I really don't know what I did wrong Sunday. I thought we had fun. I really don't know Sherlock, but it's killing me." He paused, laughing dryly. "I know, it must be weird to hear this. I mean, we don't know each other for long. And we hadn't much time getting to know each other, since you mostly was a big prat to me." He paused again. Sherlock was listening with all his attention, his heart beating furiously against his chest. The hopefulness in John's voice was almost heart breaking "I've always wanted someone to share my life with. Someone who's worth fighting for. A soul mate, or whatever people call it. On my previous school I had a lot of friends. People I thought they cared for me. But they didn't. They broke me in pieces and I know the bullyi-" John trailed off, knowing it's useless to continue. "Whatever." He said, his voice trembling, starting to walk away with a sigh.

"John." Sherlock suddenly said, his voice soft. John replied, but it was all blur into Sherlock's ears so he continued. "You should come here." He insisted, voice shaky.

"Are you sure?" John asked, his words were whispers, so soft that Sherlock barely heard it. But of course he did understood it.

"Yes." Sherlock replied curtly and he then heard John walking away. A minute later John walked through the opened glass door, into the back garden. Sherlock turned his head, meeting John's eyes. He immediately swallowed, not knowing how to start. John strolled towards Sherlock, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Sherlock took a deep breath and scooted to the left of the hammock, showing John that he's allowed to sit beside him. John looked startled about the sudden movement, but he then smiled fondly and settled him down with flushed cheeks.

"I am sorry." Sherlock said briefly making eye contact before his eyes slides to the floor, his head lowering.

"It's okay, Sherlock."

"It's not. How can you not hate me right now? I've been disrespectful, rude and arrogant. I'm not worth fighting for, John. I am serious why don't you give up on me like everyone else." Sherlock asked, mentally cursing himself for stuttering in front of him.

"You see that's why. I've seen you smiling Sherlock. I know you're not like this. Maybe a part of you." John said, smiling. "But that's a positive part of you."

"I'm not good with sentiment, John." John chuckled slightly at that.

"Don't worry about that. Just be yourself, like last weekend." John said, his voice becoming more positive than before.

"About what they said in the bus about har-" Sherlock started.

"You don't have to explain. A dog can be a person's best friend. And your dog must be yours. I'm sorry about it." John said softly, cutting off Sherlock's sentence.

"Okay, thank you."

"Can I ask you a question, Sherlock?" John asked. Sherlock nodded. "Why did you suddenly acted like this, after Sunday?" John inquired softly.

"Brother opened my eyes. He told me, if I get attached..." He paused, not finishing his sentence. "And if you break my heart that I probably will start with my old habit again, you know, the harming. And that's something I really don't want. Dad would send me away." Sherlock stuttered, John frowned.

"Sherlock, I'll never break your heart. I promise." John said softly, and then John did something that Sherlock didn't expect. John embraced Sherlock, pulling him closer for a 'friendship' hug. Sherlock stiffened at the touch. He isn't used to this, with Mrs Hudson yes. But with someone else, John? But he then relaxed in the embrace and rested his head onto John's shoulder. Knowing that he's safe here.

"Thank you, John."