First.

The silence of the room makes the distance between us seem great though you're within arm's reach of me. Still, I dare not touch you for fear of causing more damage than I've already done. I swallow hard, my lips part but my mind is void of any words of which to put together that might possibly undo the wrong I've done. No amount of "I'm sorrys" can put back together the pieces of your being that I so selfishly shattered.

It would seem that only after you've had your fun does the nature of your consequences begin to set in. Oh, the things I wouldn't give, the hurdles I wouldn't jump, the people I wouldn't kill if it meant that I could wipe away your tears and make you smile again.

But I can't turn back the hands of time..not even for you and love, believe me I would had I the chance! But I can't. And so, here we are, sitting in my room, the silence pulling us apart, my sheets stained with the evidence of your undoing and your clothes wrinkled as you struggle to put them back on. The smells of sweat and perfumes still linger, reminding me of your tear stained cheeks as you begged me to stop and I pretended not to hear you. Instead of reminding me how good it felt for us to be one, it brought back the moment I remembered of you sinking your nails into my skin. What was I thinking?

I chew on my bottom lip nervously, it still taste like that cheap bubble gum lipstick you adored so much, and watch as you lock your bra in place. Talk to me. Please just talk to me. I beg quietly in my head, hoping that on some off chance, you can read my mind and you'll speak. I fear I'm forgetting your voice and it seems like your getting further and further away from me. It's this silence I can't take! Not knowing what you're thinking hurts. Even if you yelled at me, that'd be alright, just speak. Please, just don't leave me alone with my thoughts. It's enough that the silence is driving me crazy but my thoughts will surely kill me.

"Ari.." The courage to say your name finally finds me. "Ari, speak to me.." But you continue dressing yourself, unmoved by my words as if I'd never spoken at all. This isn't easy for me and there you are making it more difficult. And here I am, making this about me again.

I reach out to you but your shoulder shy's away from my touch. I try again and the same response follows, this time more aggressively. "..Please don't touch me.." My heart stops and immediately falls, your request playing its self over and over in my head. Your voice was so shaken, your words full of pain and it was all my fault. I'd taken your smile and laughter and replaced it with a frown and tears. How you ever managed to fall in love with a guy like me alludes me. I only always use to make you cry and yet you stood by me, patiently waiting for my corny excuses and apologies to give you a reason to love me again. All would be right, our slate clean once more and the flame between us rekindled.

I believe this is where all my fear spawns from. I think I might have gone too far this time and no lame excuse will have you falling into my arms again like some love stricken idiot. For once, I'm aware I'm losing you and that's why the silence hurts so much, why your words stung so deep and your actions hit so hard. You're leaving me and the only useful thing I can do is watch you go.