Harry Moffer & the Dumbest Story Ever!

Chapter 4: The Term Begins

At 6:00 A.M., Harry forced himself out of bed and quickly got dressed; in about an hour and a half, he would be walking through the dreaded doorways of Warthogpox High School.

To describe the school, it had the appearance of a once-great school and like some movie stars who didn't age very well, Warthogpox High was quickly sinking into a deluge that couldn't be solved with a quick solution, not even if President Obarrio could have a hand in trying to solve the problem. Jill Roseberry was correct when she said that not only did the school suck, but also the students and teachers were even worse. On the contrary, she did warn Harry against "rocking the boat", which meant that he shouldn't disrupt the status quo that was prevalent at Warthogpox.

Within a few minutes, Harry forced himself out of the house and walked to the bus stop. When he got there, he saw what appeared to be a Japanese family loading themselves onto the bus stop. That family was the Teasley family, and they had been that way since World War P, when the city of Wyvernwing was attacked by Baillern Bindywart, a political madman who would make Appod Hiffer look like a harmless garter snake. Nalus Teasley refused to fight in a seemingly pointless political war, and so, his entire family paid the price for his cowardice by being labeled as "useless idiots" by the media and shunned by society.

Harry walked closer and he could see them all: there was Nalus's son Harper, Harper's wife Naggy, and their children Dill, Marley, Hershey, Kred, Morge, Marcia, Pandora, Lara, Sean, Pun, and Fanny. They had the Japanese look of tan skin, brown eyes, and brown hair that some of them had dyed in weird colors, such as desert brown, sea green, and superbright pink.

Mrs. Teasley noticed him and said, "You must be Harry Moffer." Harry nodded. "Fanny has been talking non-stop about you since she read the Larry Dobber books. Her fondest wish is to go on an adventure with Larry himself and to marry him."

On cue, Fanny, the youngest member of the Teasley family, began acting like a complete fangirl who just saw her favorite movie star at the mall.

"Mom, you know that Larry Dobber isn't real," Pun, the second youngest member of the Teasley family, cried out. He had brown eyes and brown hair, but his skin was worse than an acne-ridden adolescent. He was very short, a bit pudgy, and wore a lot of 'nerdy' clothing. "Cut that out, Fanny," he turned to his sister. "It's never going to happen. You really need to grow up and get a real boyfriend."

"You shut your lying mouth, Pun!" Fanny stomped her feet and then began the attack known as the butt-spank, in which the victim is whacked repeatedly on their rear end by their attacker. Pun screamed and tried to escape, but Fanny knocked him to the ground and began smacking his rear end so hard that he wouldn't be able to properly sit in a soft chair for a month.

"Fanora Teasley," Naggy shouted at Fanny. Fanny stopped hitting her brother and faced her mother. "You do NOT hit your brother at all, young lady. No Larry Dobber for a month!" Fanny stared down at the ground, feeling ashamed of herself. "And as for you, Pun," Naggy's voice was on him now, "how can you not stand up to your sister?"

"You're not supposed to hit girls," Pun mumbled. "You always said so."

Well, to take you away from all this unnecessary drama regarding the Teasley family, a girl named Hildegarde Lamer showed up at the bus stop. She had hazel eyes, brown skin, and wavy dark brown hair worn loose about the shoulders. She was short, pudgy, and dressed conservatively. Hildegarde tended to fancy herself as a genius, but in reality, she wasn't very bright. She lived with her parents and younger sister at the edge of town.

She stared at Harry and said, "Aren't you Larry Dobber?"

"No, I'm Harry Moffer," said Harry. "Larry was just some made-up loser that some talentless hack wrote about just to make a quick buck."