Shadow World (The Best of Ai)

Dead Boy

You were just a boy when you promised to love me.

So how can I blame you?

I can't.

But I will condemn you.

I will condemn you for every lie you spooned into my willing mouth, for the pretty, plastic cords you hung over a beam and around my neck, for the ice you pierced me with. 

I will condemn you for taking away my gift, the only thing I've ever really been able to call mine, and my one true love besides you. You couldn't have been jealous of my writing - so why did you take that too?

I will condemn you for dying to me without telling me one last time you loved me, for slipping away from me before you slipped away from life, for always going on and on about HER. 

But I will forgive you.

I will forgive you because you were just a boy.

I will forgive you because even though I couldn't be (and never will be) perfect, I did love you.

I will forgive you because I have no desire to be tied to you and your name.

And lastly, I will forgive you because I've never been happier nor more content than I am right now...without you. With him.

And I pity you.

I pity you because you don't know how to love people.

I pity you because even after everything was over and said and done, you couldn't truly apologize or explain the endless confusion you placed in my head for me. You wanted to make things "a little bit better" - for you. You wanted to "manipulate external forces" to change things - for you. It's always been about you for you. 

I pity you because you choose to be "evil" all by yourself. You listened to what they said about you, and you believed it, and although I still believe you want to be someone better, in my mind, there's nothing left for you here. 

You're dead, remember?