fountainhead

1 a. buck

I am going to have to come clean with her, Ruby, I mean. There are times when it would seem easier if we had not met, but we did, and now she is my life. I don't know how much pain can be endured before love is destroyed, and trust, once betrayed can it ever really be renewed? I had seen her around for months. She, pleasant enough, but sort of distant, keeping herself much to herself. She was certainly passionate, not least about her plants! She had dozens of those African Violets, small things with hairy leaves, mostly purple, well I suppose they would be, wouldn't they? She seemed rigid in their feeding regime, a small amount of boiling water in their saucers once a week, at first I thought she was fucking cooking the little mothers! She seemed sort of self in control, never late for work and always leaving on time. She would take the occasional long weekend, but never seemed to meet anyone, no boyfriend in obvious proximity. For some reason the gay guys seemed to get on with her best, she had a few friends among the girls too, but she seemed to be very self contained, as if she could take or leave them all. Most of her colleagues appeared to like her, but they were also wary of catching the wrong side of her tongue! I heard one of them say that she did not care if she was liked, as long as she was respected. That resonated with me, and I found myself thinking of this strong independent woman more and more.

I started getting to work at the same time as her and passing her desk as often as I could, without seeming too obvious. She completely fucking ignored me! It was when she went on two weeks leave that I realized how smitten I was. I missed her, I could not stop wondering where she was, and, more importantly, who she was with, crazy I know, but I was jealous of people I didn't know existed! I thought of her eyes, her walk, her hair, her scent. Somehow, when she returned, I had to get her to notice me. I decided, crazily, to hide one of those damn plants, and be the hero that found it for her. How fucking stupid was that? I would soon find out. She had entrusted one of the young girls, Justine, to look after her 'babies' while she was away. There was only one watering cycle, she was given written instructions on how to turn them so that they got even amounts of sun, I ask you! On the day she returned I was in my office doing some staff rotas when I heard shouting fit to knock the walls down. I went outside and Justine was just standing there, head down, crying, Ruby was shouting loud enough to strip paint off the walls. I could not let this poor girl suffer, so I went and got this damned plant and put it down on the desk and turned to walk away. I heard her yell, I turned around just in time to catch a flying violet! From that very moment I knew I loved her, she has been everything I have ever needed. But somehow I need to come clean with her, and I do not know what to do, I just don't. Well, I know this has taken an inordinate amount of time, I hope it is worth the wait.