LoLness

Emilio

My name is Emilio, but I go by Emilia because I guess my parents thought I was gonna be a boy idk, and my family isn't even Hispanic! We're Polish!

Although I don't really know about my past because my daddyo left me when I was very young. At what age? I have no idea. And why? I guess my mom was just some creep who forced some child on him.

Oh well, enough about me. How about I talk about.... My boyfriend!

My boyfriend, Gabriel, left me a few months ago to join the marines. He's so dreamy, how did someone so plain like me get such a hot guy like him? Must be the new face-timing vibrating hairbrush designed by Bee I just bought.

Oh, without Gabriel I'm so lonely. A knock at the door annoyed me. I got to my feet, but whoever it was just kept pounding like there was no tomorrow. "Calm your pants!" I yelled.

"Did you just tell me to calm my pants?" The muffled male voice asked.

I pulled open the door with a scowl. "Yes I did, fat stranger, what do you want?"

The guy standing before me was obviously gonna be annoying because he had on a nerdy blue t shirt that said "RIP: Revolve in Peace" written on the front. He gasped at my forwardness and put a hand dramatically against his chest. "My name is TJ, and I am not fat."

"Uh. Then what is all that stuff hanging off your stomach?" I said pointing at his tummy.

"Uhm- hum-" he stuttered, sweat forming on his brow as he rubbed his hands on his shirt. Within a few moments his entire shirt was drenched in his own sweat.

I raised an eyebrow at him, "dude what the heck chill."

"IT'S NOT MINE IT'S MY SISTER'S!" He blurted.

"What?" I asked in amusement trying to suppress a smile, "Are you trying to tell me that that fat, right there, is your sister's?"

He nodded furiously.

"Medical procedures these days..." I muttered. "So what do you need, normal boy?"

"Well, is your name Emilio? She didn't tell me you were a girl."

"Of course! Emilio is so a girl's name."

He shook his head.

I nodded pointedly and he gave in.

"Ok, my neighbor said she knows you."

"Oh really. What's her name?"

"J-pepper."

I growled. Not sure how that even happened it just did I guess. "I don't ever want to see that boyfriend-stealer again. So, what does she need?"

"She's having a baby shower and wanted to invite you."

I put a hand on my hip, "who's the father?"

"Some guy she knew for 30 seconds I don't know."

"I always knew that girl was-"

"Don't say it." He cut me off.

"That she's a-"

"Yeah. The only reason she even met the guy was because I have a habit of sleep-throwing-lemon-rice-soup-in-the-ocean-during-the-day."

"Wat."

"Don't you mean, what?"

"No I mean wat. Without the h to make it cool."

"Oh that's cool."

"Right?"

"Righto!"

Just then, Gabriel returned home from his long, long, trip to Iraq where he did absolutely nothing because he has a TERRIBLE case of asthma. It is so terrible he can barely move without having an attack.

I launched myself into his arms and kissed his face.

"Heya, Babe."

I winked at him, "Babe."

"Um."

";)"

"Stop that."

";)"

"Seriously."

"Seriously.. ;)"

This went on for about an hour before he gave in to both our needs...

And bought me a milkshake that we shared through 2 straws.

";)" obviously means, "let's get some ice cream." What were you thinking?