The Fault In Our Minds

Fault 35

I promise.
It was a wonderful Christmas. Mom finally got me something I'd love to wear all year around. It was just boots but they was black with spikes running up the heel. It was gorgeous. Deren was a mystery so I only got him razors. The runts got coloring books that would last for weeks. Josh did not get me anything. And I didn't get him anything. Which didn't seem to be much of a problem.
Josh carried my luggage downstairs. It was only a duffel bag of clothing. She's waiting outside for me and I regret my decision. It feels like everything spiraled seven or eight months ahead of time.
"I don't want to go" I whine holding my laptop case.
"It's too late to change your mind" Josh sings. He clicks my new boots together as a sign to get my feet in them.
"But I'll miss everyone" I continue on as Josh forces one of my feet into a boot.
"Then let this be a reminder on why you should never leave us. It's only four days. You can live until then."
Mom decided she couldn't say goodbye to me face to face and had Deren do it. I would not disagree on that. The runts hug my legs until I'm putting my coat on and Josh opens the door. Just so Deren doesn't seem them his hero left out I give him and awkward hug and tush out the door.
She's standing outside with her arms wrapped around her in a heavy trench coat. She opens the trunk. Josh puts my duffel bag inside.
"Where's your mother?"
"She can't say goodbye" I answer blandly.
"If I was in her position I'd be out here saying goodbye."
Before I could reply I spun around and in the arms of mom. I sink into her hug and whisper yes. I'm overwhelmed with happiness that she showed up. She rubs my head and pulls me to her chest like I'm a baby. "You listen here and you listen good. If my baby girl wants to come home you bring her home. I don't care if her stay isn't up you will bring her home the minute she says it. And if not you'll have to deal with the consequences."
There was no consequences, unless she counts me fake sobbing in my room as a consequence then yes, yes it was a consequence.
I hug Josh last with ends with some kisses and giggles. Also me wanting to kiss some more and just never wanting to leave. It's like that around him. The urge to never want to leave.
I close the passenger door. She gets in after me looking quite upset. We pull off in seconds. I'm not sure if it's what mom said or me and Josh that has her upset. Hopefully it's neither because I rather not discuss it. To be exact I wanted to sleep on this ride. I felt like anything she could say will be upsetting would make me want to head back home.
"So that boy?"
"Josh" I say.
"Yes Josh. Are you two friends with benefits or-"
She stops speaking when I glare at her. "We're in a relationship. Let's not be shy about this conversation."
"Right well in our culture and family the females aren't allowed to befriend males" she steps on the gas before we went by a red ligh, "which is normally why they are home schooled."
"Well sorry to cut it to you but I'm not apart of your family. At least not yet and that doesn't mean I'll be staying with you."
"Right" she declares.

The ride was already tense and uncomfortable ten minutes in. I really need to stop doing this to myself and her. I know she's trying not to make it seem like that but everything coming out her mouth already seems like I'm gonna live with them.
I made a promise but I never clarified my decision. I can imagine Josh knowing my decision before I even know my decision. The ride is a total of one hour and twenty five minutes. I could at least make it some what enjoyable.
"So what's my dad like?" I asked.
She smiles. "He works at as a psychologists. Some what strict but wait until get him playing a sport; he's a completely different person. He lacks a sense of humor except when drunk. He's considerate just not right away."
Not a bad description. "What about my older brother?"
"He graduated high school last year. Wants to be a vet but your father insist on being an actual doctor. He's hard to express yourself to. Basically if you ever want to get serious with him expect him to win."
She tells me a lot about my younger sister. The details remind me of my own sisters. Girlie, scared of bugs, and wants to be a princess when she grows up. She warns me about her going through the 'mine' and phase and just not leave my stuff laying around.
She croons on, "That's the part about our culture we're told to love. For females we just need to learn women duties and we get treated like queens from our husbands."
I make a mental note. I prefered if my feeling towards this stayed unknown so I don't use this in the long run.
Conversating with her was enjoyable. I learn they travel a lot. One thing I want to do is travel all around the world. She tells they've gone to German and Italy so far this year. Then includes about them planning on going to Brazil for spring break. It makes me withering in jealousy since I never left the United States. Mom never had the money to take me. It never struck me as something to care about. Not even once.
She speaks a total of five different languages not including english. German, Japanese, Italian, Russian and French. I only knew Spanish and it wasn't even excellent Spanish. It was just Spanish. Mom knows two languages: French and Italian. I had no patience to let her teach me either of them.

I decide to take a nap about half way there. I lay in the backseat but I don't sleep. I cover my face with my coat and respond to the text messages I had received. I stay under my coat until the car comes to a smooth halt. I sit up and look out the window.
For a rich family the house isn't all that rich looking or big. There's not much to the front yard but through the fence I could see a land filled with snow.
"Come on let's get your stuff out the trunk" she urges and I comply.
I don't put my coat on. In fact I'm hot from hiding under it. I swing my duffel bag onto my shoulder. My feet follow after her at their own will. She's smiling each time she looks at me. I am only predicting the future. The opening of the door slaps warmth against my cheek. I step inside and notice the picture of me on the living room table. I'm at the table clutching the picture of me. Why can't I remember taking a picture with that stupid guy in a Mikey Mouse costume?
"Ahem."
I don't turn around. "Sorry I never seen any pictures of me from this young of age."
He admits, "Aren't you going to turn around and see what your old man looks like."
I peak behind my shoulder. A gray beard with gray hair. He looks like one of the deans at my school. Unloosened tie with a black dress shirt on. His foggy gray eyes hide behind glasses.
"Stop staring and say something perhaps a hug."
"What happened the day of the fire?"
He raises one eyebrow. I can hear him scratch his hair. "You and your mom was home alone. Your brother and I was at soccer game after party. Everything went up in flames and you along with your mother fell unconscious due to the smoke."
I hear footsteps coming from upstairs. They're heavy and in pairs. They come closer to the stairs and out come two people. One male and female. My siblings.
She blurted, "Grace that's behind us now. We don't even have to talk about it."
"Grace? My names Ryan."
"Daniel" she says softly and touches his shoulder.
Daniel (aka my biological dad) responds with a disapproving tone, "That a boy's name and here in my house it's Grace."
I watch her whisper in his ear. His face drops and he groans something about these complications. I had already won round one.
"Ryan, I'm Daniel. This is your mother Rebecca. Your older brother Jack and younger sister Marlyn."
Marlyn runs over to hug my leg. She's around the same height as the runts. I'm uncomfortable with her touching my leg like this. I'd only allow this from Pandora and Jordan. Only them two alone.
"I heard so much about you. Well not a lot but I've heard enough" she squeals. "I can't wait for you to paint my nails and do my hair."
What the fuck? We're doing this already.
"Could I see my baby pictures?"
"You're really interested on seeing those pictures" Jack says after his longing silence.
"If you was away from your 'family' for twelve years wouldn't you want to see those pictures?"
Nothing was further said. I sit on the couch. There's tons of pictures up of them and other people. A couple of me. It's hard to believe I was that young at a time. Jack comes back from upstairs with a photo album.
"Ever thought about being a lawyer?" Daniel questions.
"No. I think I want to be an ice skater but if you think I can hold a good argument thanks."
I flip through the album. So far there had only been a total of three pictures of me. One right after I was born and two birthday pictures. I had chubby cheeks. I still do just not as chubby as they was when I was a baby.
"I don't have any scars from the fire?"
Rebecca answers, "Apparently not. I got a couple of bad scars on my leg."
I rolled up my long sleeve and display the burn I received from making pancakes. I think it looks pretty bad ass but Marlyn was all freaked out by it.
"Tell us about everything at home" Marlyn asks.
"Well I have two sisters. One Greece and one Asian. I live with my mom and her boyfriend. She's pregnant so I guess it's a serious relationship. I'm not home schooled anymore and high school is eh."
"Only Jack got to go to school" she tells me.
Daniel claps his hands and my stomach makes an inhumane noise. I'm some what embarrassed because it doesn't stop and I confirm I'm hungry. I wait in the living room while Rebecca gets me a plate of food. I check my phone and only one message. Enjoy. From Josh. I groan silently and hit my face.