Misleading Intentions - Jalex Highschool AU

Fuck. I Have School

"Oh fuck Jack i didnt know you were there!, dont scare me like that" i smiled hoping he woudl drop the subject as quickly as i did, to no avail he blurted out "Alex, dont do that, dont try and change the subject on me, ive done that too many times, you said you loved me jus then didnt you?" his voice getting a bit snappy at the end i nodded sadly, i didnt know what Jack was going to say, so i went with what i thought "Yeah, Jack i did, im really sorry, i didnt mean for you to hear it, im really sorry" he looked me up and down and suddenly i felt a fist collide with my stomach "FUCK! what the fuck Jack!?" It had been a long time since i had felt a fist flying at my stomach, and i wasnt about to remember it, blocking it out, i got up holding my stomach, he jumped over at me and pinned me to the wall, his lips were close to mine, too close, and as you can guess, in all the heat and confusion he kissed me, i dont know why, but i kissed back, i didnt want to but i did, we pulled apart from eachother he then said...

"Alex, dont ever come near me again, if i see you around i will kill you, please dont come near me" he said tearing up, he was fully clothed as well, so he left the house, he left my house, me sitting holding my stomach, in agonising pain, crying, i was so fucking confused, so much pain, so many questions, why had jack punched me and then kissed me and then told me he would kill me "Fuck you Jack Barakat, fuck you and your fucking perfect hair and you perfect skin and warmth and fuck you for kissing me and making me feel like i was someone again!" i yelled out, the pain in my stomach becoming too much and having to stop, i got up leaning on the sink, knowing i had to deal with this myself, i rubbed where he had punched me, a purplish bruise starting to form already, i got in the shower, it was thursday, i was going to school in 2 and a half hours, it didnt start till 12 for year 12s, which i was very thankful for, i had to find a way to stay out of his classes today, it was going to be difficult, but it had to happen. 

I got out of the shower, walking to my bedroom and finding a note on the bed it read "I love you too Lexy", what, why, how Jack? i had so many questions running through my mind, again today, jesus, wouldnt be the first time i was confused and wanted to kill myself all within the time frame of 20 minutes, i put the note in my back pack, i wanted it with me, but i wasnt going to talk to jack at all today, i mean he told me not to, so i shoudlnt, right? Yeah. 

I walked in the school gates and moved towards my locker, grabbing my books out and heading to what i presumed was Music, the one that i had Jack in, i was worried but i wasnt, becasue i had managed to make friends with some other people in the class and was willing to sit with them other than the normal group. I strode into music, flashing the teacher a smile and a wave, him with a polite wave, i wasnt even going to bother looking over a Jack, but i was going to say hey to the others, i walked up to my old group desk and greeted my other friends, all accept Jack, who i wasnt going to go near whatsoever, i greeted them goodbye and said "Yeah, im moving over there today guys, you know seeing if i can get to know some others, i mean most of you are going away on holidays soon and i need someone while your all gone, all accept Jack. "Yeah, i get what you mean Alex" i gave her a sympathetic smile, her name was Leah i think, i dont really know, but i know she sat with us. 

The rest of music was going smoothly until we were made to get into groups of two that the teachers choose for us, of course as the story goes, i was going to be with Jack, and what a surpise i was, haha not funny, my face dropped when mine and Jacks name were called, we were forced to sit at the same table, in the same place, in eachothers personal spaces, i got the work done, until i heard Jack say to the teacher "Can i go to the bathroom please sir?" his fucking accent washing over me like a wave of memories, i hated this, i watched him as he got up, slipping a shiny peice of metal out of his pocket and into his hands, hiding it in his palm, i shot up, i knew what he was going to do, i had praticesed this action many times before, too many to count last year at the old school "May i please go get a drink sir?" i heard myself say, he nodded and i was let off, good time to find my Jack, why was i calling him mine? God help me. 

I tiptoed into the bathroom and listened carefully for the noise, the noise that they all say, including myself, the noise that you could tell that someone was cutting it was the whole "Ah fucking hell, shit" the small gasps of pain that we didnt want to slip out, but knew we would scream if it wasnt for those noises. i had to take action. 

"Jack...Jack... is that you?" "What do you fucking want Alex?" he snared at my voice "Im here to stop you from doing something you will regret Jack" he stopped and said "Alex, i dont want saving, i dont want to be here anymore, i dont want to live and i dont know why, i have everything i could ever want, i go to a good school, i have a good home, money, friends, i have music" i looked at the locked cubicle for a second, thinking i should knock it down, but thinking before i put my foot on the door and breathing, thinking 'Jack will come out when he is ready" -"i dont..and that hurts me" Fuck i hadnt heard what he had said, i was so caught up in my own way, i needed to be careful about what i had said here "Jack, what did you say?" fuck that sounded nicer in my head "Alex, i said I DONT HAVE YOU! FOR FUCKS SAKE I DONT HAVE YOU, AND THAT HURTS YOU KNOW" i nodded "Jack, open the door" he was crying now "Jack open the door now!" he opened it just in the nic of time before my foot went through it "Jack, you do have me, but i dont want to be pushed away all the time, thats what fucking hurts me, and if you are unsure about your sexuality, thats really alright, i can take a break from seeing you" that got him fired up "You know what Alex" he said really calmly, it was like the calm before the storm and i could tell this storm was going to be fucking massive "I DO LOVE YOU ALEX AND I DONT LIKE OTHER GUYS, I JUST LIKE YOU! FUCKING HELL! I NEVER WANTED TO PUSH YOU AWAY I WAS SO UNSURE ABOUT WHO I WAS I DIDNT WANT TO HURT YOU!" he sat there crying and crying, i grabbed him, my fingers going into the blood soaked jeans that hung around his hips. 

I was so triggered right now it was unbelieveable i could have reached for that blade and sliced myself in half, the pressure and the stress of seeing Jack like this and the argument we had, made it even worse, i wanted to do it, but not around Jack, later i would do some in the shower probably.

"Jack, please listen, you do have me i will be here for you, until the end of time, i know you are confused and its hard and im so sorry, and ill be here for anything you need" "Alex, i do need one thing" i smiled smally, very uneasy about what he was going to say next, but it was put to rest when he said "Alex, i need you to accept my apology for what i said to you in the bathroom, the kissing and the note, im so sorry Alex, i really am" i nodded "Its okay Jack" i still wanted more than an apology, he broke my heart, and it wasnt getting put back together anytime soon, but still Jack neeeded me and i was here. 

I realised we were on the floor together me with blood on my hands, him crying and cuts everywhere with our lips occasionally touching eachothers as a sign of affection, i was contented for now until i heard a knock at the door, then someone barged in "Ah! Boys look what we have here, Barafag and his new cutter buddy Gayskank, hey boys, cutting eachother are we, oh look they are crying as well! Ha! the fucking idiots" 

My heart dropped into my stomach. I felt as though i was about to feel another foot to chest collision for the 2nd time today. Shit. 

A/N: hey muthafuckers whats up, i am in such a weird mood! but thankyou to all the readers, i see there are around 200 of you! thankyou a lot i didint actually expect this to go anywhere! but YAY! anyway, i will be most likely updating soon, mwah. 

Steph Xx