Alternative Tactics

Ch. 9: Lack of Clothing at Cold Temperatures

Chapter 9: Lack of Clothing at Cold Temperatures 

The wind was gentle, but cold. Really, it was just cold outside. 

I didn't know what time it was. I hadn't been able to sleep for more than a couple hours. Maybe I hadn't been able to sleep because my hair was wet. Maybe it was because I was scared of what I'd dream. Maybe it was something else, but either way I hadn't been able to rest soundly. 

I was perched precariously on the ledge of the picture window, which I'd throw open. It hadn't been hard, there was no screen in it, and it wasn't like the window had been anything besides latched shut. I clutched one leg loosely to my chest, my foot resting on the cold stone ledge, but the other  hung out the window, brushing against the rough brick now and again. 

I should've been nervous to be sitting like that, I'd probably die if I fell, but I couldn't find it in me to be scared of heights after everything else. 

I was wearing my mother's over-sized t-shirt and my underwear. I was cold. It was Febuary, and despite the lack of snow, the air was chilly. Goosebumps had risen on my arms and legs but I didn't care. 

I tried to remember what it'd been like before I knew what all this was. Back, sometime last year when I was happy. When Lara and I were in University stressing about normal things like what we were going to do with our lives, and Joshua and I were starting to date, and I was pretty sure I was just persuasive. It seemed so much simpler, and I was happy then, wasn't I?

I was happier when I was in a relationship that turned out to be a lie. 

Was that weird? Cyric and I dated for like a month and I was really happy then. I mean, I was freaking out because I was pregnant and kept pushing off getting an abortion which was really dumb, but being with Cyric had seemed right. 

I really was an idiot, wasn't I?

I leaned my head back against the window frame. I wish I could speak to Olin. He was like ten when he died, so he probably wouldn't have any good advice, but he was still my little brother. Technically speaking, I probably could, but I remembered what my mother's ghost had said. That I could only speak to the dead when I was on death's door itself. Also, what Cyric had said about all speakers dying the same death kind of scared the crap out of me. 

I wondered if all this would blow over. What happened when Helena told me what I needed to know? I couldn't imagine she'd let two teenagers stay here any longer than she had to, especially with the hostility she seemed to have around Cyric, but I wasn't sure what would happen. Whatever she said could influence what I did next. 

I knew Cyric wanted to hide me away somewhere safe, and maybe that was the smart thing, but I didn't want to be hidden away. I kind of wanted to fight, but I wasn't sure if it was revenge, avenging, or justice. I also kind of wanted to make amends with everyone. If I had died back at H.O., or I died soon, I'd die with dozens of bad relationships. An ex-boyfriend, a best friend who's probably kind of pissed at me, the list went on but it seemed most important to fix things with my father.

I just didn't know how to do that.

I'd probably have to fix things with Beatrice too, then. It wouldn't be easy, but I wanted to try. My mom died so I'd live, didn't she? I think she would've wanted me to be on good terms with my father. And Olin would've been upset if he knew that his family was standing on either side of a chasm. 

I looked out the window, straining to see in the darkness. The stars and moon were bright here. I was pretty sure I could see where the cliff dropped off, and the lake started. It reflected the dark night sky, sparkling in the dim light, mirroring the stars, completely calm.