The DreamWalker Series

Losing You - love

warning: love scene ahead. If reading something a little steamy isn't your thing, feel free to skip to the next chapter. 

Finding her way into his arms, into his bed, was easy enough. Easier than she'd ever imagined after she'd gotten past the initial terror. She'd grown to trust him, love him, in a way she'd never imagined she could. They'd moved past the chaste kisses and cuddling. Now there was passion where she'd felt only hesitant indulgence.

He'd been patient through it all, though she knew he wanted more. The prospect weighed heavily on her. What was too much? Could it send her into a desperate downward spiral if they went too far, if being with him reminded her of all the things she'd fought so hard to repress?

Yet, as she lay curled beside him, she didn't care. He had helped her to feel normal and she found herself wishing to do the things a normal couple would do. Propped up by the pillows, they'd been enjoying their usual Friday night ritual of watching movies late into the night. She'd long since lost track of what it was that was on the tiny screen on the dresser and was dozing, her head resting on his chest, lulled by the beat of his heart.

Movement roused her from her near-slumber as he fumbled with the remote, extinguishing the only light source in the room, save the flickers through the curtains from the street below. Rand pulled her closer, kissing the top of her head. It wasn't enough, she wanted more. She rolled over to sprawl across his chest and leaned into his lips, kissing him deeply. His hand slid up the small of her back, fingers hot against her skin. She found herself clutching at his shirt, and had to pull away to catch her breath.

"Wow," he exhaled, smiling up at her. Though his face was obscured by shadows, she knew that expression well. She'd become increasingly familiar with that bemused look of his when she took the next step in their intimacy. He rarely pushed, and when he did, it was with such gentleness she couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt. It wasn't his fault she was like this. He hadn't broken her to the point she'd never wanted, never even considered the possibility of finding love. And yet, she was in love. She'd found happiness with him, long sought and desperately won.

She laughed and fingered the hem of his shirt, tugging at it to reveal the well-toned stomach she'd often admired. She took a breath and pulled the garment once again, letting her fingers trace over the skin. He was so warm, his skin smooth, firm and dark. She admired the contrast of her porcelain skin against his tanned olive tone before working her hands up to his chest. He sat up slightly to pull the shirt up and over his head, making his thick hair stand up at odd angles.

Once it was tossed to the side, he reached up to run his hand through her hair, pulling her down for another kiss, wistful and sweet. Caught up in the taste of his lips, she felt weak. She all but collapsed against him, fingers tracing over his chest. It was what she wanted, to just feel him, more of him, skin to skin. Was this lust, or love? She wondered momentarily before her thoughts were lost in the sensations enveloping her.

It was his turn to break away next. It took her a moment to realize he'd spoken. "Is this okay?" His voice was soft as silk in her ear, and she wondered what he meant before realizing that his hands had worked their way under her shirt, calloused fingertips tracing along her skin. She shivered at the heat of his hands on her bare flesh before answering him by sitting up to pull her own shirt over her head.

She hesitated as she realized that she now sat beside him, nearly naked, wondering if she dared go on. This was entirely new ground for her. If there was anyone she was willing to share herself with, it was Rand, but she feared how she might react should they go on. Would she panic? Would this intimacy, this moment be lost forever?

Catching her hesitance, Rand sat up beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't pull away, he drew her to him. He was like a furnace, if he was any warmer, she feared he'd sear her bare skin. It was too much, to be so close to him, no safety net, no pretenses of friendship. They'd moved beyond that months ago. Yet there was still this between them, her fear, her past, everything that she was.