Within the Sins

٨ The After Party

حبي لك ما عنده حدود.

Yazid's family wanted to celebrate his graduation at a restaurant, but Sadeen insisted on going to a park right after the ceremony. Being the older brother that he is, Yazid told them to oblige with Sadeen's wish. They are now heading to the park of her choice, which is the same park Yazid and Moutassem usually meet at.

Once they reach the park, Yazid joins his grandfather and Kamel, Selena's father, in a conversation, but he instantly regrets it, for it is about him. He tries to escape, but Hani demands that he stays seated. Yazid obeys without hesitation, taking a look at where his sisters, Selena, and her husband chat and play by the swings.

Kamel rests his gaze on his nephew. "We know."

Yazid stands up, folding his sleeves up to his elbows, exposing a watch on his left wrist-a gift from Nader and Majed-and then puts his hands in his pockets. "I know," he whispers with his gaze lowered.

"Don't start getting anxious around us, habibi," Hani requests from his grandson. "We just want to talk."

"About what?"

"It's time to man up."

Yazid frowns, shifting in his seat, and slumping his shoulders. A part of him does not like hearing that because it always hits him right in the core. He could never be what other men are. He cannot be a proper leader, protector, nor the bearer of responsibility. There is no way he could ever learn how to set an example for others or teach one to become courageous. He cannot be relied upon, nor could he ever stand up straight in the face of his fears. He fails to be a man every time he needs to be one. He could never be enough. He already knows that. "And what does that mean to you?"

Selena's husband joins in, walking up to Yazid and asking him to stand up from the bench. Once Yazid stands up in silence, shoulders still slumped, Tamer rests his eyes on the young man. Tamer straightens out Yazid's back and then pushes his shoulders up. He then lifts his chin up. "That's the first thing it means." He taps the young man's chest with encouraging eyes once Yazid sits back down.

Hani takes a gander at Tamer, thanking him with soft eyes. "To be a man is to look at the problem in the eye, affirm to yourself that you will conquer it, and charge at it head on." He studies his grandson's eyes. "To be a man is to gather support when needed, be courageous, and protect those around you from the problem. Think of the problem as a monster. You must fight the monsters that linger around you so that those around you can stay alive, including yourself."

Yazid listens attentively. Are there monsters lingering around him. . .or in him? Are they the same monsters Selena was talking about? Are the monsters actually snakes? Are they the sins? Are they simply problems he has to solve? He inhales deeply and then swallows. His palms start to sweat as he stares at his hands, his heart pounding in his chest. He sits back down, shoulders slumped once again, and starts bouncing his leg up and down. "But. . .Jiddo, what if. . ." His voice is low, his throat itchy. "What if I battle the monsters and lose?"

Hani rests a hand on the bouncing leg, causing Yazid to sit in place. "If you do not back down, if you do not give up, then you have carried out your role as a man. You must battle the monsters until one of you falls."

He bites the inside of his cheek. "How does all that affect the people around me? Why do I have to keep them safe from my monsters?"

"What affects a man affects his family," Hani responds, "and what happens to his family happens to his community." He takes a deep breath, something he has only been doing more of in his old age. "What affects a community affects a nation, and that which affects a nation affects the world."