A Series of Immature Short Stories

A series of short stories: Death

To whom it may concern: a dear person/friend/enemy, a suicide lacking the Spirit of Death, or a chicken that fears death and really needs not.

I like death. Why be scared of it? Death is inevitable. Don't avoid it, embrace it. But how? I'm so glad you asked. Open your mind to the world and beyond, in order to come up with a fun, jovial way to die. Don't you dare say in your sleep! That's boring, think of something else. You need some serious inspiration. I'll enlighten you and explain my ideal death. It's original. Insane. Absolutely insane. Here goes.

Dressed up as Captain Jack Sparrow, I break dance on my pirate ship, plated in aztec gold with liquid onyx sails. A lost soul is in control of the ship, leading myself and my crew – made up of Robin Hood and his Merry Men - further into an abyss of darkness. After having spent three days lost among the trees of a pitch black forest, my ship finally made it to sea. We sailed past the Bermuda Triangle and headed straight for the Mystical Dodecahedron. Before us was a savage storm, marking our destination. As we were thrashed about in the chaos, my crew exploded into fireworks, and I sunk through a pit of quick sand in the ships playground. I land – wearing a flattering potato sack – at the top of a diamond mountain. Before me sits a rusty fridge. I complete 723 tests and essays before granted entry into the refrigerator. I climb inside and am surprised. Not really, but still. I see a lake. And a rainbow, which doubles as a pixie dust slide. At either end of the rainbow is a leprechaun. At first it appears as though they are eating it, however closer inspection brought on the realisation that they were, as a matter of fact, vomiting out the rainbow that meets in the middle. One leprechaun was dressed as an emo, the other dressed as an angel. Mid rainbow was a traditionally dressed leprechaun, handing out tickets to unicorns, twonicorns, trinicorns, all the way to octacorns. There was even a Pegasus! Defying the law of gravity, the winged and horned horses would float to the top of the rainbow and slide down it. I ran towards it, desperate for a –

DAMN! A pentacorn, looking somewhat like it had a mohawk, head-butted me. Boy, did it hurt… and tickle. A vampire saved me from the pentacorn's wrath, just to drink me dry and toss me into the lake below. An underwater catapult sent me skyrocketing, only to have me land in the mouth of the Loch Ness Monster. There, I met up with my crew, Robin and his men. We have a brief chat, and then I'm launched out of Nessie’s nostril and flattened into a pancake with her tail.

THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT… or good death…

That, my friend, is how I want to die. You have great potential when it comes to dreaming up an eccentric, fun and sassy way to die… much like mine - short and simple. Be inspired by the world and beyond, open your heart, mind and soul, and die a joyous death! Live long, die young.

Yours Sincerely,

Harlow ‘Happy Larry’ Hogan the 13th.

Heir to your fellow friend,

Death, The Grim Reaper.