The Diary Of A Closet Bisexual

I Feel Like I'm Going To Explode!

Today was just ASKLDJAKJDLASJ!

It was so fucking up and down. Why can't it just be up?

The day started out fine. School went by relatively quickly. We didn't do much in any of my classes, and the school day was pretty bearable.

The girl from my math class, she looked really cute today. And when she walked by me, damn, she smelled so good!

Oh, and we had a substitute in AP Bio. He just recently graduated from college, and boy was he SEXY. What can I say, I like older men :P but not too old..that's just creepy. 

When I got home, things began to go down in flames. My nut case of a father was acting up, and it was SO FUCKING ANNOYING. I really don't feel like going into detail about his problems, but let's just say they've been taking a toll on my life.

So anyways, I was supposed to go to the gym today. I haven't gotten my license yet, thanks to my dumb ass parents, so I unfortunately rely on them for rides. And for those of you who do drive, YOU BETTER KNOW HOW FUCKING LUCKY YOU ARE. Being a senior who relies on her parents to drive her places is HELL.

Anyways, my mom was working, and my dad said he'd give me a ride. He left the house, saying he'd be back around 5 to bring me. Did he ever come back? Nope. Turns out he went to work. I told you he's fucking nuts. Why the fuck couldn't he have just told me he was going to work, instead of lie to me, knowing damn well he wasn't going to bring me.

And I know I probably seem like a stupid bitch for complaining about something like this, because there are people who have it way worse. But going to the gym means more to me then burning calories. It's a chance for me to escape my hell of a house for a while, and just relieve stress. It's like a break from the chaos. Plus I just feel fat when I don't get in at least 1 work out a week. 

Anyways, this little fiasco made me think about my relationship with my Dad. It was really good when I was younger, but then again he spoiled the shit out of me, covering up his problems. Then as I got older, I began to realize the truth, and for the past few years things haven't been that great. 

My relationship with him is really up and down. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not. It really depends on how he acts. Sometimes he acts fine, but then he reverts to his old ways. It's like, why the fuck can't you just act decent? UGHHHH!

But yeah, it made me wonder if a girl can turn lesbian or bisexual because she has a bad relationship with the main male figure in her life.

While many may argue that you can't just "turn" gay or bisexual, I beg to differ.

I think that everyone is born attracted to either guys, girls, or both, and that certain events in your life can trigger these attractions.

For instance, my rocky relationship with my Father actually kind of leaves a hole in my heart (as cheesy as that sounds). And he's also a prime example of how terrible the male species can be. 

And lately I've just really wanted to be with someone, guy or a girl. Just someone who loves me, and doesn't lie to me. Not saying my Father turned me bisexual, but I think our relationship has a lot to do with my open mindness about who I'm open to loving.

You know, being into both genders really isn't a bad thing. I mean, you're actually just giving yourself more opportunities to find someone that makes you happy.

Well, I think that's the end of this rant. Surprisingly, I feel much better :)