Chapter two
The first two seconds was all it took me to realize that the guy who had pushed me down would not say or do anything. His face said it all. And I was really getting good at reading them when stuff like this happened.
First they looked at you like one does while passing a stranger on the road or in the mall. Then they passed over you and looked away, then their eyes came back and double checked me. The curiosity then changed to surprise which then changed to wonder and then they would just stare. Either someone pulled them away from the trance or in most cases I sneaked out. Really it was all the same every time I accidently let my face open. So this guy was no different. I felt so uneasy, like always, that I somehow wiggled out and ran without taking any of the things I came for.
Once in the car I let out a frustrated cry and banged my head on the steering wheel. Trying to take deep breaths but really just sucking in shallow ones I tried to control the tears but they wouldn’t stop. I was well aware of the audience outside so I sucked in a jagged breath and checked the mirror. And winced. Not because I had red eyes and red nose but because I saw my face.
Many people felt proud and happy to be called beautiful. Hell, I did too for a while, but that was before I realized what all this supposed beauty did for me. I used to be like every other child on the block and had many friends and life was good. But after I turned twelve things started to change. For once, my mom became from carefree to paranoid. She would constantly check and double check the doors and windows, peep out the curtains outside to God Knew what. She wouldn’t let me out of the house except for school and swim practice. And after sometime she made me stop going for practice altogether.
One day, after I came home from swim practice I found dad sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. When I had asked him what it was he just smiled at me and asked me to make some snack for him. At that time I didn’t worry too much, maybe I should have because then I would have noticed the signs and done something. But as it was I was too lost in my world to pay attention to what was going on with my parents. They weren’t fighting but an underlying tension always presented itself at dinner or breakfast. And then mom started noticing me, she would stare at me for minutes before breaking into tears and when I would go to hug her she would always say I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby. I didn’t get what she was apologizing for, not even now. But she was a mystery who had way too many secrets. Things took a turn for worse when after a difficult week, dad decided to take mom to a doctor for her fits and paranoia. I was afraid of the crack in my happy family but even I knew that it would help mom. But she never came home that day.
It was a Sunday afternoon and with saying that she was going for a jog she had left and never come back…..well she did come back. Dead. Cops had found a body near the South Lake and after some identification deduced that the body was Felicia Greyson. Dad had been devastated to hear the news, partly because he really loved her and partly because he put himself to blame for what happened to her. He thought that if he had helped her before she wouldn’t be there. It was believed that she had drowned herself to death. So the case was closed with the verdict that mom had been mentally ill and in a fit of extremes killed herself. That day was a significant day of my life. And why not? Dad started pulling out from me refusing to even acknowledge me. My old happy life became a distant memory because now I was the girl whose mother killed herself. I was popular for all the wrong reasons. But after the news died down I started getting noticed by people for other things.
I was thirteen and it was my third day of high school. I was dressed in a flattering shirt and jeans with my hair neatly combed and styled. Since I wasn’t into fashion anymore after mom’s death, my best friend Alison had suggested that we dress up to impress. Little had I known what would happen. Suffice it to say I made more of an impression that I could handle. Things started getting downhill when Ali started pulling herself away from me because I was making her ‘invisible’ to others. That was the last straw. I had lost my mother to death, my father to oblivion and my only best friend to high school drama. I started getting more and more frustrated with my life and the constant attention was making it all the more difficult. By the second semester of freshman year I was heartbroken, lonely and in a desperate need for some privacy. And then came the idea to lay low. I stopped dressing up for flattering and started camouflaging. That was a little difficult because people already knew me and my constant change in physical appearance didn’t help. I was already taller than girls my age and still growing. But somehow I stopped all the attention. That did cost me my social life though but it was worth it.
