C O L O R S

C O L O R L E S S

Days have never gone so fast, but when they finally do, you'll be afraid to ride their rapid pace.

It seems like it's just yesterday when Kris has to stop going to school because of it being hard, and now he's smiling for the camera, wearing his graduation toga. It seems like yesterday when he's still drooling because of innocence, but now there he is, ready to take on the next stage of his life: college.

Rose and him have not seen each other for months but they keep in touch---call and text each other and some video call stuff---and she even sends him a congratulations message and a gift has arrived in from of his house. It is an analog watch that he sure will be wearing tomorrow for the ceremony.

Raphael has mailed him a long mushy message so he does the same. Kent has bought him clothes for their post-graduation ball, and well, he's bought something for himself as well; a guitar.

He thinks he should name it after his mother, but his father thinks otherwise and that he should name it after his brother. At the end, he names it 'Karen', coined from 'Kirt' and 'Lauren'. Karen will keep his mind off the world when things start to get offhanded again. But he doubts that, because right now, everything is falling to place.

"Dad, I think I should see Rose today." He brings upnthe topic while they are watching some bad reality show in the middle of a boring afternoon.

"As in now? Is everything okay?" Kent worriedly asks, setting his bowl of nuts aside to look at Kris.

"Yeah, yeah. I just think I should thank her personally," he says, getting up and Kent just nods in agreement.

"Do you need me to drive for you, then?" he offers but Kris thinks it's too mushy so he neglects, saying he's on the mood to take the train that day.

He wears his new favourite style; the one he first wears on their first night together---long-sleeve polo with the sleeves folded up to his elbows. His hair is now cut clean as well, so the fashion suits him better. He also puts on Rose' watch and snatches his old Christmas gift for her that he thinks is never late to be opened. He often looks at the mirror now, too, starting to appreciate the way he looks, without minding what anybody thinks.

What other people have to say is none his business, anyway.

Trains in the Philippines sometimes have their own irony. There are separated tracks in two lanes to avoid jamming and accidents, but still, inconvenience will take over and the trains will stop in the middle of the rails.

It will be of no big deal for Kris if only it is not too crowded inside, and that he is sitting, and that it doesn't smell like a mix of dead rodent plus gym and stress sweat. Because damn he knows how depressing that is. It only leaves quarter of an hour before the service resumes and everything becomes functional again. He's apt to text Rose about his visit but he's thought it would be good to surprise her since she's already done it to him a couple of times.

"I hate surprises," he tells himself. It is probably because it is colorless; it has no definite color; no distinct emotion to feel. You just feel it when it's already there---when it has already shocked you.

"Good afternoon, Tita," he greets Mrs. Rizabal when she opens the door for him. She smiles but the things he first takes notice are her tired eyes and the deep bags underneath it. Things must have become harder for them, and he hates he can't do anything to ease at least a small portion of it. "May I have a chat with Rose?" he asks with a little bit of humor and he sees the immediate change of color in her facade.

"She hasn't come out of her room for two days now. She won't let us come in," she explains, heaving a really deep sigh. "But you can try."

That's his first time being inside the Rizabal's house and he's been astonished by how every memory is preserved in a frame displayed around every corner of the house.

At the living room, frames of family shots hang on the walls. Upon knowing what Rose's brother's name is, he knows they are all named after flowers; and the pictures show it because the motif is floral. There are only one decent shot---where they are looking at the lens, smiling and eyes full of love. It doesn't matter, though. Because the most genuine sentiments are in those stolen ones.

Peeking at the kitchen near the stairways, there hang frames of family ancestors---he assumed---donned in culinary outfits. The largest one has the image of an old woman that looks feisty. Just by how she's clutching the rolling pin, and how she's smiling smugly, Kris knows that she shouldn't be taken easily. It gives him the creeps.

And finally, along the stair walls are pictures of Rose and his two older brothers and three older sisters. There are no names along with those, but you can tell who's who just by looking at the corsages pinned at the side of their clothes; Rose, Oleander, Larkspur, Petunia, Daisy, and then there's Freesia.

"I haven't thought she's last in the family," he says to himself before he reaches the first door where the name "Rose" is written on a placard nailed on it.

He takes series of heavy breaths of air first before he raises his free hand to knock, but stops when he feels too little confidence to do so. So he just puts the gift box somewhere and walks around the halls back and forth, rubbing his palms together and occasionally blowing breath on it, then he will shake his hands and slightly bounce on his feet. If anyone will see him, they will think that he will ask a girl out---which can really be the case if only things have gone differently.

He turns the knob with sweaty hands---the gift box on his free hand---and when it clicks, he's not sure on what way he should greet her. Should it be with the usual 'hey'? Or should it be in a way she'd never expect?

Because he knows how she loves surprises.

She's approached him in ways he's never expected. They've become friends in no time. She's affected him more than he's ever known.

Yes, she's come by surprise.

She's taken his heart with surprise.

Now she's left him in surprise.

Like she has done when she welcomes his surprise visit with closed eyes and an arm hanging lifelessly beside her bed. Kris involuntarily lets loose of his gift and hurriedly kneels beside Rose, shruggging her has he calls for help.

Everything starts in slow motion. From the way Rose lies helplessly and stiff to the way she looks like she's just in a deep slumber inside a casket. From the way he cries on his Graduation day; the way he cowers in one corner of his room; to the point where his eyes ache and no tears will evet come out, to the way he's numb yet again.

Then it resumes in a swift pace.

From struggling to accept what is inevitable; from finding it hard to sleep at night; from how he'll find the days so hard, to finally moving on.

They all have let her body left their side, but they keep her memories along with their hearts. That's what's they should do. And that's what they have done.

Kris and Rose, they are two strangers walking along two different paths until the headlights turn red and they have to stop and meet at one distinct point. There they have learned things about each other; those they love and those they don't. But there always comes a point where the lights will turn green and everyone should go to their rightful destinations.

They are meant to meet each other, but only to be a lesson and never to stay. Kris and Rose, they are two strangers walking along two different paths that lead towards two different places. They are meant to walk past each other and never look back.

So that's what they've done.

They keep on walking, and she never looks back.

But he does.