Sometimes I wonder:
What’s wrong with me?
I have blessings, things
Which make me happy
Every day.
Yet
I
Fall
Into dark despair,
Grasping at nothing,
Far too often.
I feel myself becoming
Hopeless
Or insane
After all, they’re
Basically the same.
When I’m around others,
I can hold this insanity
In check.
However
When I’m alone
A monster
Wreaks havoc on my
Mind
Soul
Heart.
And Amelie
Can no longer
Protect me.
She has
Outlived her usefulness
For that day.
Sometimes
Florise can take over
And the tension
Is released
Overflowing
From my eyes.
But other times
The monster takes over
Tearing into my flesh
Savoring its taste
Ripping apart my heart
Whispering indelicacies.
“You’re annoying.
No one truly likes you.
The only reason
They keep you
Is because
You’re codependent
You need to be needed
And therefore
You’re a good counselor.
But you
Aren’t.
Not really.
Because you are
A parasite,
Sucking people’s gratitude
Not truly caring for them.
In fact
You’re so corrupted that
Maybe you should just relieve them
Of the deception
Of the lies
Allow them to disentangle themselves
From your
Web.
So
Die.”
My mind
Screams
In agony. There
Are no replies
Except
“No, you liar! I DO
Care.”
Because the rest…
Well.
Then I cuddle
With a piece of
Cotton-wrapped fluff.
One of my friends.
Eventually, they and I
Build a bridge
And
Get over it.
~LS
