Dear Jonathan

Chapter 4

Jonathan

This box is stuffed full of letters. Is this guy insane? He must be! Who does he think he is commanding that I do all these things for him? Why does he expect me to read him these ridiculous letters, bring that god-awful cat in my car to this stupid hospital, and he wants me to do whatever he asks in the letters? This is crazy. It's been nine years. Nine fucking years, and he says that he still loves me? That is absurd and highly unlikely. Get over me already!

He is psycho! Yes, I'll admit that we fucked.. like twice or something right before I left. But then I realized that I had made a huge mistake. I fucked him because I was horny, geez! All guys experiment a couple of times in their life, right? I didn't even know he was gay! If I knew that, I would've never been friends with him in the first place. I guess when we fucked those couple of times it curbed my sexual appetite. I haven't dated anyone since, and I daresay he was the best I ever had.

I also fucked him because I was trying to get over that dumb broad.. Betty.. I hate her more than anything on this planet! I have never been dumped in my entire life and then this bitch thinks she can just come along and dump me, Jonathan? No one dumps Jonathan Von Christenson! Except for Betty.. she was the first and last girl that ever had the chance to dump me.. nine years ago. It's a good thing I never liked her to begin with, the only thing that got hurt was my pride.

My life is perfectly fine without him. I moved on. I don't even need friends, I'm self-sufficient! I had no idea that he felt that way towards me. Yes, he said that he loved me.. but I had said it too. I never took it seriously. We always said I love you to each other, like all the time actually, but it was in an "I love you, bro" sort of way --or at least that's what I thought.

He never wrote me any letters while I was over in Afghanistan, nor did he visit me while I was back in the states on holiday.. granted, I think I made it pretty clear that he should leave me alone before I left for Afghanistan the first time.. but he could have found a way, especially because of how close he is with my mom. Anyone would think that she's his mom and not mine. But he chooses now after all this time, when I'm finally back in the states for a while to contact me and drag me into this!

I can't seem to wrap my head around the fact that the guy who I thought was my best friend is gay.. That's just gross! It's not normal! But as much as I don't like all of this, I know there are some things that I can't avoid. He knows me better than I know myself. No one knows me better than him, not even myself. And lastly, I trust him with my life. There aren't many people in this world that I trust but he's one of them.. and that is why I am here again in this uncomfortably squeaky chair in this freezing room, about to read another one of these damned letters.

I better let this caterwauling feline out of its carrier before he kills me with his death glare. I unzip the carrier and Sidka leaps on the bed flawlessly somehow dodging all the tubes and iv's. He rubbed his furry little face everywhere he could possibly touch and used his dainty paw to delicately touch his cheek as if he was trying to wake him up. Are my eyes playing tricks on me or did I see his eyes flutter? I turned my attention back to Sidka for a moment as he made himself comfortable on his lap and purring loudly, his eyes alert. Sidka was on guard watching every little detail that happened in that room. Wow. I guess cats are loyal too. I better get started with this letter. Deep breath. Here we go.

Dear Jonathan,

First off, you're gonna have a tough time taking Sidka away, so when you're ready to leave tell him to say his goodbyes to me. He'll start wailing but he'll be alright. If I am on oxygen please remove the mask and let Sidka touch his nose to my nose then replace the mask to how it was. That's just how we say goodbye. If you don't let him do that you're gonna be here with me all night because he's not going to let you touch him.