Good For Gone

Restless

I stopped dead in my tracks, causing Tony to nearly run into me.

"What the hell babe?" He said, trying to figure out what had struck me so much.

My eyes darted around, looking for him, but obviously not finding him. How could I? He was hours away from here. And I wasn't going to see him again. But those dice caught me off guard.

"Sorry." Not only my boyfriend but all the homeless people in the alley were watching me, causing heat to rise in my cheeks.

Quickly I took out my wallet and gave a dollar to each of the people, and dropped a dollar on the spot where the dice were.

When I was done I waved goodbye and kept walking, just wanting to forget the whole awkward exchange.

"You know you shouldn't give those people money," Tony said, catching up to me.

"Well were about to go give a company five dollars for brown caffeine water, so I regret nothing." I rolled my eyes, and I could tell he did the same thing back to me.

But then he hooked an arm around my neck and curled my head around to his chest.

I giggled, "Stop it!"

He kissed the top of my head and let me go as we rounded the corner to the coffee shop.

I ordered my coffee black and poured a large heap of sugar and Splenda into the black liquid.

I saw Tony scrunch up his nose so I laughed and said, "You okay over there?"

"Just admiring your dedication."

"Refined sugars are the devil." I mocked his slight jersey accent as I popped my lid back on.

"Ha ha so funny." He mused, holding the door for me.

Cold air blasted me in the face and I clutched my coffee cup closer. That was probably one of the most expensive hand warmers I've ever bought.

We began walking back to campus to get back before my 9 am lecture. I sipped the coffee, partially burning my upper lip in the process. It tasted like any other coffee I could steal from the lounge in the student center, so I was unimpressed.

"See, it's not so bad."

"You just like it because they made it with that siphon thing."

He made some smart-ass comment, as per usual, but I missed it as we passed the alley from earlier.

The dice were still there, taunting me with my own memories. But I looked away. I didn't want to remember that time, but for some reason, I still bit my lip a little as we walked by.

When we got back to campus I kissed Tony goodbye and headed off to my class.

I passed by the biology and natural sciences building, which is where most of my classes should be. But they'd received a huge donation to rebuild the greenhouse. So that means I have to run to the other side of campus to get to my class on time.

On one hand, I'm excited because I love a good greenhouse. But on the other hand, it means my internship got put on hold, which is annoying.

I slip into class just in the nick of time, but as I sat trying to listen to my professor, all I could think about were those dice.

In fact, that's all I thought about for the rest of the day. I might as well not have gone to any of my classes.

That night I tossed and turned, royally pissing off my roommate Miriam who slept below me.

To avoid a fight I slipped into the bathroom we shared with another set of girls. At least on there I could try another work out my anxiety

I paced back and forth, straightened my hair, then curled it, then brushed my teeth a few times.

Nothing I did made the weird feelings go away. The glimmer of a possibility that it was him was enough to send me into a tailspin.

Some part of me wanted nothing else in the world. But the other part, the part that's protective of my new life, just wanted it all behind me.

What if it was him? It didn't mean anything could be happy or easy. If it were him that would mean something was wrong.

But I still had to try my best not to wish for it.

After another half hour of staring myself down in the mirror, I got dressed and slipped out the door.