Broken

p e t e r

I could stop this, end this pain – never feel this agony again, it wouldn't take much. All I could think about was the peace that the emptiness brought me. The desire to cut open my arm again hit me hard, I wanted the release; needed it to stop. Reaching for one of the knives, I stopped myself. I couldn't do this anymore; I wouldn't be this person. Opening my connection with Kyle, I continued to shake and sob over the lifeless Tommy as I fought with my desire.

Kyle?

Tianna? Where are you? We've been looking for you for weeks! He sounded angry and hurt – I had done that.

Please, I need help. Tossing the knife, across the room, I let the pain have me.

Where are you?

Outside of town, off Hazleton loop, about five miles south of the road in a shack.

I'm coming, we'll get you home.

The connection severed and I started to shake again as I looked into Tommy's empty eyes. Flashes of them dimming continued to replay in my mind. They were kind, full of life and something I didn't understand, there was no trace of the darkness they had once held. This is how I sat, looking into his eyes, torturing myself, until Kyle grabbed my shoulder.

"Tianna?"

Looking up at him with tear filled eyes, I bit back my sob. "I killed so many."

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

He scooped me up into his arms and rocked me softly, "Should I call him?"

"No." Sobbing into his should, I shook my head. "Take me home, I need to go home." Carrying me out of the cabin, I looked back at Tommy one last time. "I'm sorry I wasn't any better than them."

Kyle held me tighter but knew better than to say anything. He just let me cry in his arms as he walked back toward the road. These weren't the arms I wanted, this wasn't the scent I needed. Pulling away from Kyle, he set me down on the forest floor.

"You could always call him."

"And say what? You broke my heart but I want to cuddle."

Kyle chuckled gently, moving stray hair from my face. "Yeah you could say that, or you could say I'm sorry and I forgive you."

"I don't even know what I'm forgiving."

"I'll take you to him, you guys can talk, he can help you."

"No, take me home."

Leading me to his car, I climbed in with tears still streaming down my cheeks. He took me to the pack house and helped me to my old room. My old bed, my clothes, my shower, I had missed them more than I had thought. At the door, I tried to stop the tears.

"Thank you Kyle."

He looked me over in worry. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Not right now."

Wiping away the tears, I shut my door and climbed into the shower. Scrubbing Tommy's blood off me, I sobbed harder and harder until my body was empty of tears. Climbing out, I weakly got dressed and climbed into my cold bed. There was a knock on the door.

"Tianna?" It was Nick.

"Yeah?"

"Weston's on the phone."

My heart stuttered. "What does he want?"

"To talk to you."

"Come in."