We Get One Shot At This

Tony

You couldn't get into your own clothes fast enough; you had to leave. If you looked at Tony again it would rip your heart in half. You were joined by a horrific event of your own doing, and he had no idea. He had been so kind to you, and so welcoming into his home and into his team. What would he think of you now?

The door slammed open and you startled only slightly at the force of the handle impaling into the wall behind it. Bucky entered first with Steve close behind, both of them stopping short when they saw the look on your face and the hollowness in your eyes as you stared blankly at yourself in the mirror.

"(Y/N), what happened back there?"

"Buck, do you remember that other life?" you whispered, "do you remember any of it?"

He looked at Steve and back to you, shrugging his shoulders as he searched his mind. "I get flashes here and there, I suppose. Nothing much." He took a step forward but you held your hand up to stop him. "What the hell happened? Tell me right now, (Y/N)."

"We killed Tony's parents." You glanced at Steve but quickly looked to the floor when you were met with his shocked expression, feeling mortified that he would hear this from you. "Bucky, she begged me not to. She told me she had a son." You grabbed your bag and threw it over your shoulder, still not looking at either of them. "I didn't protect her..." you said, shaking your head in disbelief, "I didn't protect her...from you. I should have stopped you. I should have saved her so that Tony would have had his mother all those years."

"(Y/N), that wasn't really us. You know that."

"But I don't," you snapped, "I don't know who or what we are anymore." You began to walk towards the door but Bucky grabbed your arm and pulled you back towards him. "Let me go," you whispered in a cold tone that sounded nothing like you, pulling your arm forcefully out of his grasp.

Steve positioned himself in front of the door and Bucky stood to your side in an attempt to keep you there, worried about your state of mind and what you were going to do. How could they not see that this was the last place you should be right now? Did they not realize that you were all but destroyed and being in Tony's home was making it worse? You began to wonder if either of them really knew you, or if you knew them. Your head was pounding, confused, and swimming in incomplete and jumbled memories that meant nothing.

"I'm such an idiot," you whispered, a small and sad laugh escaping your lips, "to think just today I was watching those kids in the park, wishing that I could have my own someday. Thinking that I could have a family."

"(Y/N)..." Steve sighed, knowing exactly where your mind was going.

"I'm the last person on earth to deserve that. I'm walking around and living a life as if I deserve it when I took away so many others."

"Alright, (Y/N)," Bucky said, his tone becoming more authoritative now, "that's enough. I'm not gonna stand here and let you beat yourself up over something that wasn't your choice."

You nodded at his words, agreeing that he shouldn't have to listen. "Then you won't have to." Standing toe-to-toe with Steve, you looked up at him without emotion, "move, Rogers. Please don't make me move you." He opened his mouth to speak, but hesitantly stepped aside, allowing you to pass without another word.

Bucky jumped forward to follow you, but Steve grabbed his arm to stop him.

"Steve, back off. I need to follow her. I need to be sure she's okay."

"Buck, let her go. It's not going to help; she needs time to think."

Bucky yanked his arm away harshly, stepping up to look Steve in the eye, almost nose-to-nose now. "That's my wife, Rogers. Don't tell me what you think is best, alright?"