The Fearful Institute

Darker

Aleks's POV

Somehow...I've become darker, I don't know how and it's scaring me. Last night I was caught staring at the door wanting to slaughter someone; I don't know why. The darkness is wrapping around my heart, dragging its sharp claw through my heart, staining itself to my heart...like a scar. My eyes wander around my room, I'm leaning against the cold metal bars of my bed, it's lonely right now, everyone's downstairs...I don't even care. I stare into the mirror in front of me against the wall of the other side of the room. My expression looks disappointed and scared, disappointed because there are bags under my eyes and the thoughts running through my mind replicate to murder, scared because I don't want the thoughts zooming through my brain to create a monster out of me.

My face is paler than it should be, there are light red veins running around in the white surroundings of my eyes. My hair is a rat mess and my lips are chapped, I look...dead. A quick deep breath sinks into my lungs, I feel like I just got shot in the chest, blown back by the impact. I'm weak...I haven't eaten in three days, I'm starving, but I'm fine. I'll be able to last a couple more days until I start to lose my strength completely...not that I had it before. I'm picking at my nails again; I'm surprised that I still have them.

I don't know why I'm not downstairs with the other people. Maybe it's because I'm scared that I'll hurt them, or I just don't like people anymore. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs and I see a shadow appear in the doorway, it's a male figure. My eyes look up from the dusty wooden floorboards and up to see dark brown eyes; Eddie. I'm too weak to smile, or maybe I just don't care enough. Eddie takes a few steps closer to me and he almost looks frightened, can he feel the monster in me? Can he feel its undead heart beat in my chest, can he feel it's power growing stronger?

"Grief's a bitch," Eddie starts and finishes his slow walk towards me, every step he takes it makes a sharp sound with the floorboards. He sets his hand on my knee and tries to get me to look him in the eyes, I already looked once, I'm too disappointed to look again, and I don't deserve to even be next to him.

"You're wearing a longer sleeved shirt today in ninety degree weather." Eddie says and scoots closer to me on the bed; his hand is still on my knee while his other hand was on my shaking hand next to my upper right thigh. I shrug and look behind him and into the mirror once more before and look down at his hand holding mine. "It scares me." He adds and pushes my head up by the chin to look at him; his eyes are glossy from the wetness coating them.

"You care..." I say weakly and he tightens his grip around my hand, it's a bit sore to feel, but somehow it brings a comforting feeling to my heart. Eddie takes a deep breath and walks over to the door. I stutter and try to choke out words, but they won't come out, all that comes out is a quiet whimper. He shuts the door in front of him and turns around, walking back to me and crawling behind me on the bed.

"Come here," he says and he wraps one of his arms around me, he rested his forehead on my back and I rub my nose on his arm. My eyes start to water; the darkness is starting to disappear now...I don't feel so evil. Eddie pulls my body onto his, it's like we're tightly bound together in an unexplainable solution. Human contact is one of the true healers of depression and sadness, the touch of another's fingers prevents suicide, right now...Eddie's preventing mine. His hand holding mine as his hand locks around my waist; it's something that's currently preventing my body from getting off this bed and taking a razor to my skin, locking me down.

"Whenever you're sad, I'm sad." Eddie whispers and wraps his legs around mine. I lie there quietly and look at the shut door wondering if the nuns would get curious and just barge in. I start to muffle and Eddie nuzzles his nose on the back of my neck, the comfort is starting to fade away when I realize that we can't lie like this forever.

"I'm so tired of being here," I muffle and my breathes stutter when I try to speak and breath at the same time.

"Me too," He replies. I turn around so that I'm facing him and his eyes are now dry and wide open, it's like he didn't think I was going to turn around.

"Why does it seem like everyone is afraid of you?" I ask.

"It's because they are, they should be." He says. I raise an eyebrow, but I don't scoot away or try to keep my distance.

"I do bad things that scare people, it's why I'm in this place...this isn't a damn Christian school." He explains and holds his hands together with the side of his head resting on them.

"What do you mean?" I ask in a nervous tone, did my mother lie to me about this being a school to change me for the good, does she think I'm crazy?

"If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to run from me?" He asks in a quiet whisper, now his voice is shaky, like he's trying not to regret his decision. I nod and curl my legs tighter around his; I don't know if I will actually keep that promise when he tells me.

"I killed people, who hurt in me in more than one way."  The room grows silent, the only symphony humming through the atmosphere is my breathing, I can't even hear Eddie's, it's like he died when he finished his last sentence. As a young child I remember my mother telling me that I was going to be everything she wasn't, everything she wanted me to be, something that I knew I wasn't going to be. But I told her anyways, "I'm going to make you proud mother."

Now that I'm older it's not as easy to say, it's not easy to tell my mother that I'm going to make her proud and become something more than a small town boy. Now I'm finding myself laying beside a murderer that was hurt as a younger boy, now he's locked up and chained to his mistakes. His arms wrapped around me and our breaths creating whispers of a melody. I can feel his breath tickle my neck and cause hairs to stick straight up. I feel like I'm losing my mind, Eddie is a monster, but I still want to be near him, I want to feel his touch. He's a killer, yet I still want to hear his voice, I don't want to run away.

"That's okay, you had a reason to end their lives, and they did something terrible to you." I whisper and inside-out our hands by sliding both of my hands over his. I can hear him muffle and I can feel his tears run down my neck and soak into my shirt. My fingers shake as I lift them up and run them through his soft black hair, he's so beautiful in so many ways. I can feel Eddie looking up at me with red blood-shot eyes; he's in need of something

Eddie pulls me closer to him by the neck and sets his lips on mine. I've never kissed another person until this moment; our kiss is the perfect mix of lips, passion, melody, and tongue. My hands are in fists from shock and they're set in the middle of his chest, my legs are tightened around his from the sudden arousal, and my eyes are squeezed shut from the embarrassment of him having to kiss virgin lips. The kiss is slow and steady, soft and sweet, it's complete. He runs the tips of his soft fingers down my cheek and down my bony pale neck. He's looking at my closed eyes, waiting for them to open.

He finally sees my light shade of brown and he smiles slightly, he's relieved that I'm not out of his sight, that I'm not scared of him. My eyes are wide and still in shock from what just happened, shocked that his lips touched mine, that I felt the soft skin of his lips, something other than his hands and fingers.

"I still don't understand why you're in this place." He says and moves some of my hair away from my face.

"Neither do I, but I'm not that sad anymore." I reply and look down at our hands; they're tightly wrapped around each other, warm and sweaty.

"You're something different, something that seems to keep me wrapped around your finger." I finish.