Rise and Fall [[BEING MOVED TO ANOTHER ACCOUNT]]

Chapter Twenty

Twenty

               I'm back at the medical cabins. This time accompanied by my original party. We've come to see Jacie, and as we ascend the low ramp that brings us up to the door, I can't help but glance to my right. Jacie resides in cabin seventy-nine. Pardon's is only three down. I catch a glint of his number's rust as I enter the gaping mouth that strains to swallow us all at once.

                    Jacie's cabin is darker than Pardon's, but Victor finds the light switch as Stefan glues himself to her bedside. She's awake. Arm and legs encased in heavy casts. Face pinched as Pardon's had been, but not quite in the same amount of pain. Burns are worse than breaks. Breaks mend. Burns scar.

                    "Stef. Stef. Stef! I'm fine! Really!" she complains as Stefan flutters over her. Asking if she needs anything. But secretly, I know she's pleased.

                    "So you're okay? You're gonna be okay?" Raelyn grips the bedrails and bounces on her toes. Leaning over her cousin. Jacie nods, and relief floods Rae's face. "Oh thank God."

                    I grimace. I don't think God had anything to do with this. Save one girl, let thousands die. And for what? What did they do to deserve it?

                    I take a deep breath.

                    Let it go, Alek. Let it go.

                    I focus on Jacie's weak grin as Raelyn flings herself at her. The rest of us follow suit, and soon we're a mish-mash of arms and smiling faces. Jacie's okay. We're okay. Everything's okay. I try not to point out the obvious fact that it's not. I really do. But my inner pessimist swells within me, and it's all I can do to keep it at bay. To crush it down as I force a smile for Jacie's sake. Sasha eyes me from across the bed, and things seem to slow to an achingly slow pace.

                    She inclines her head, and raises an eyebrow. Her unspoken question draws my shoulders to my ears, and drags my head back and forth on my neck as if on a leash. No. I'm not okay. Thanks for asking.

                    It's clear to me now that there's something within my heart that will never be the same, even if we somehow make it out of this alive and well. I'm depressed, and even Sasha can't beat it away. It always creeps back. No matter how hard I try. And I do try. At least I'd like to think I do. But sometimes I feel that it's a hopeless case to try and argue for myself. I glance at the second bed in the cabin. It's vacant, and I wonder who else besides Sasha would notice if I crawled under the covers and stayed here with Jacie. I need help.

                    I bite my lip. Thinking of Pardon, and the countless others like him. They are the ones that need help. They are the ones with life threatening conditions, and I'm sure that most -if not all- of them are as emotionally scarred as I am.

                    Probably even more.

                    Clenching my fists so tightly my fingernails dig into my flesh, I turn from the bed and from my friends. Taking the few short steps to the door and dropping to the ground off the side of the ramp, I start to walk. Fists in my pockets. The small lacerations I've created sting, and I crave the pain

                    "Alek!”

                    I spin around as Sasha's voice registers. She's running to meet me. Her hair caresses her rosy cheeks as it's tousled by the air that rushes past, and her brows are knit with concern. The tension in my fists retreats. God, she's beautiful. She opens her mouth to speak as she reaches me, but I don't wait for words. I kiss her, and after the moment of initial surprise, her mouth softens against mine, and she kisses me back. We stand like that -wrapped in the world we've created for ourselves- until I pull away. She looks disappointed, and I give her a wry smile.

                    "Better?" she finally asks, and I find myself nodding.

                    I take her hand, and we make our way back to the cabin. It's clear she's confused about what has just happened, but I'd rather keep her in the dark. We re-enter just as the rest are about to leave.

                    "Hey, Alek," Jacie says, and I cross to her.

                    "Hey, Jacie," I say, and hug her. "Sorry about that. I'm really glad you're okay."

                    She looks a bit stunned, and chances a look at Sasha. Sasha just shrugs, gesturing wildly. Jacie turns back to me. "Thanks, Alek. I'm glad you're okay too." Her words are leading, but I shrug off the speculation. I clasp her hands in mine, and step back. Letting Stefan and Raelyn storm the bed one last time.

                    Slipping out the door, I make my way to the car. Sasha        worms her hand into mine, and yanks me aside. "Are you sure you're okay?" I smile, if a little sadly, and place a hand on her cheek. She leans into it. Looking at me from beneath her lashes. I stroke her jaw with my thumb.

                "I'm fine. I promise."