paranoia [slow-ish updates]

8 days

It wasn't a particularly eventful day when it happened- well, unless you count being forced to stand up in Maths class and apologise for talking. God, sometimes I want to punch Mr Denver.

Anyway, school had just finished, and I'd promised Gem, my best friend, that I'd meet her after school to watch her audition for this year's play (I'll say this now; I was a little reluctant to go and see her because, if I'm honest, she couldn't act to save her life- but you can't exactly tell your best friend that, can you? Especially when her dream was to become an actress). Truthfully, I'd almost forgotten; it was only when I was at the gates that I remembered I was supposed to be in the theatre. Honestly, I was starting to believe I had short-term memory loss, the amount of things I was forgetting recently; I couldn't even remember waking up this morning- I'd forgotten my phone this morning, leaving it on the kitchen table whilst I pottered about upstairs.

But, anyway, back to the audition. I sighed and entered the school again, fighting against the current of other students who were trying to get out of the small set of double doors. They were moving a lot quicker as it was a Friday, and who doesn't look forward to two whole days of no crabby teachers, tests and tons of homework? Especially as it was almost Christmas time, and there was all the gift shopping and sledding to do, preferably before it was too late and riots would break out in supermarkets over last minute offers.

Finally, I pushed open the door to the auditorium, where there were already a few students and even parents scattered over the rows of chairs. Taking my place at a distance from everyone else, I slipped one earphone in and let my eyes slide over the stage, watching other kids audition but not really taking them in, waiting for Gem to come on.

It happened when the judges (I say judges, when I really mean three teachers from the Drama department) thanked the kid who was on stage at the time for his performance, and called out for Gem.

I can't really describe what happened in those few seconds as Gem walked out onto the stage, giving me a nervous smile as she saw me sat in the audience. One moment I was drumming my fingers on the chair arm to the beat of Fall Out Boy, slightly disinterested in what was going on centre stage (don't think of me as a bad friend, I was still watching Gem, just not really paying attention to her monologue). And the next, well, something dawned on me. It wasn't triggered by anything, it was a completely random thought, and it was less a question, more a statement.

Something bad is going to happen.

I frowned inwardly, wondering where that had come from, and, thinking it had something to do with the audition, attempted to banish the thought from my mind, scolding myself for thinking such a thing. She wasn't that  bad an actress. However, as much as I tried to stop thinking about it, it remained fixated at the front of my mind. No longer focusing on the music or Gem's audition, I attempted to push the thought at least to the back of my mind, where it wouldn't take up my attention so easily. However, it required my utmost concentration to even begin to do so. I'm pretty sure I was getting concerned stares from people in the same row as me, as I was convinced my face was slowly colouring red.

I exhaled, breaking my concentration and allowing the thought to return to the front of my mind. It was already starting to cause that annoying, niggling sensation, like getting a really bad itch in a place you can't reach.

Standing up abruptly, I grabbed my bag and walked- well, jogged, actually- out of the auditorium.