paranoia [slow-ish updates]

paranoia

Have you or your parents ever forgotten to lock the door when you leave the house? I imagine the realisation didn't dawn on you slowly; you were probably making the journey to wherever, and the question suddenly hit; did I remember to lock the door? You'd then revisit the scene in your mind, try and remember your actions- funny how you always seem to draw a blank at the crucial part, huh?

Anyway, you'd try and shrug it off, try and convince yourself that yes, you did lock it, and that you should stop being paranoid. But you can never kill an idea, even the smallest of ones; not once you've allowed it to cause that niggling feeling in the back of your mind.

I'd forgotten to lock the door many a time upon leaving the house. We'd barely be two minutes into the journey when I'd exclaim 'Damn it!' and tell my parents of my forgetfulness. They'd then sigh, turn the car around and drive back, my father grumbling about 'wasting petrol'. Half of the time it turned out I had remembered to lock it, and my mother would scold me lightly for wasting time as well as petrol. I'd then settle back against the upholstery of the back seat, sighing quietly in mild relief. Idea forgotten.

Until that day.

Oh, I assure you, this was no mere forgetting-to-lock-the-door scenario. This was an idea that, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to shake it.

It was a sense of foreboding; a notion that something bad was going to happen. I didn't know what; my only knowledge was that it was awful, and it was approaching fast.

I had no idea who to turn to, who to tell about this growing fear, and in the end, I decided I would have to face it alone.

After all, who believes a paranoiac?