Bullet

Chapter 22 - Your Own Two Feet

Chapter 22
Your Own Two Feet

On the drive back to my house, the car was silent. Grayson was driving my car back because he didn’t trust me behind the wheel in my condition. I tried keeping my eyes trained out the passenger side window, but I could see Grayson casting glances at me every so often out of the corner of my eye.

“I’m not going to blow up again, if that’s why you keep staring at me,” I commented, making him jump in his seat for a moment. “I’m just saving that for my mother,” I mumbled underneath my breath where I was sure he didn’t hear me.

He shook his head. “That’s not why. I’m just worried about you.”

I sighed heavily, already annoyed with this conversation. I was tired of everyone around me waiting for me to drop, like I couldn’t control myself. My brother was the one who created this catastrophe. He was the mentally unstable one. So why was I being looked at like I was about to be admitted into a mental institution?

“You have nothing to worry about.”

Grayson clenched the steering wheel a bit harder before he spoke. “You’ve just been putting up this front for so long, pretending like you’ve been okay when it’s obvious that you aren’t. No one’s going to judge you for breaking down, Callie. What you have been forced to go through is hard, really hard.”

I sat up further in the seat and turned to face him with a slightly reddened face. “Why is it that everyone’s acting like I’m going to end up like him or something? Everyone’s got their eye on me like I’m the one hiding a gun in my purse now. When I say I’m fine, I mean it. I’m fine.”

He smirked, his lips turning up at the corner of his mouth. That small dimple in his right cheek appeared as he rubbed a hand underneath his jaw.

“What the hell are you smiling about?” I grumbled.

I didn’t like the fact that I was so grumpy and irritable, taking all of this frustration out on Grayson of all people. He’s already been through enough with me so I knew he didn’t deserve it. My mind flashed back to Clay’s words:

But it…all added up. Brick after brick, mess on top of mess.

In that second, stuck in the engrossing silence of the car with the one boy who could do me no harm, I knew exactly how Clay felt for the first time since this incident happened. Every time I fell deeper into this story, more people kept piling on my list of who to be mad at. I always thought this story began and ended with Clay’s selfish and unstable thoughts. I never once imagined all of these people playing parts in such a situation.

“I’m trying to remind myself that you’re not angry with me, but with someone else,” he said, casting a glance in the rearview mirror as he changed lanes.

“I’m sorry,” I grumbled again, sliding down into my seat and crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m just tired of chasing this story. It’s like everyone in my life was living a lie or something. I feel like I was the only one who didn’t know about his idea to bring a gun to school that day. And here I thought I was the closest person to him.”

A frown replaced the sweet smile on his lips. “I don’t think I’ve been living a lie per say…” he trailed off, shrugging while keeping his eyes on the road ahead of him.

“I didn’t mean you!” I protested, feeling my heart drop into my stomach for the tenth time that day. Grayson was the only one who was holding me up in this and I was always beating him down in return.

He pursed his lips. “It’s alright. I understand why you said it.”

We reached a red light and for a moment there I figured he would avoid eye contact at all costs. I watched him swallow before he turned to face me slightly. His one hand was clenched around the gear shift still, turning his knuckles a ghostly shade of white.