Ten | newtmas

twelve

"Chuck," I say almost too urgently as he walks into the room. His face is sullen and tired.

"Hey Newt," he says. He looks like he's just been crying, and I can't blame him. After spending over an hour doing the same, I can only imagine how he feels since he's actually been out there and not hiding in his room. Theres been sirens and loud voices and shouting and cop cars and ambulances on and off for a while now. The poor kid shouldn't be dealing with this. It's not fair. None of us should.

I can't think of anything to say to him that might help. What's there to be said?

"I don't know if he's alive, if thats what you're wondering," Chuck says with a sniffle. I can't think of a response for that either.

"I'm sorry," I say at a loss for words. "Would a hug help?" I ask. Hugs aren't really my thing but he looks like he can use one. And turns out he can, because he immediately runs over to me and sits on the bed, enveloping me in a bear hug. I hug him back as long as he needs it, which turns out to be five minutes.

"Thomas and the others are being questioned right now. I went first. They weren't all that nice," he says. Of course, why would they be? Its not like we're human beings, right?

"What'd they do?" I ask.

"They treated me like... like I was stupid I guess. They just shouted at me," Chuck says. My heart breaks for him as he tells me. He's just a kid.

"What did they ask you?"

"If I knew anything about how Winston did it," Chuck says, tearing up again. "I told them I didn't know. I wanted it to be over."

"You don't need to tell me. I'm so sorry Chuck, I'm sorry they treated you that way," I say. Chuck nods his head before rubbing his eyes.

My anxiety has been through the roof throughout this whole ordeal. I'm just waiting for the day to be over at this point, it's been way too much for me.

"I just wish I knew if he was alive, you know? He wasn- isn't a bad person. He doesn't deserve this. He was just trying to get better," Chuck says.

"I know, I'm sorry," I say.

"He checked himself in here. They refused to give him enough of what he needed so he just..." Chuck trails off, staring at the floor.

"I'm sorry," I say. All I can do is apologize. Apologize for Chuck, apologize for Winston, apologize for everyone here.

"I just wanna sleep," Chuck says.

"Sleep then, it's been a long day for all of us," I say. Chuck shakes his head.

"If someone hears something about Winston I have to be up," Chuck says. I put my hand on his shoulder, hoping it'll comfort him.

"I'll tell you what. I'll stay up, and you sleep. If anything happens, I'll wake you up to tell you," I say. Chuck looks up at me with a gleam in his eyes.

"Really?" he asks. I give him a weak smile, the best I can muster.

"Of course," I say. He smiles a little and climbs over to his bed, getting under the covers.

"Thank you, Newt," he says.

He falls asleep about five seconds later. I wonder if he had a panic attack today. He probably did while I wasn't there, after all, I spent a majority of today in my room. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be, anything would be better than today.

Suddenly I remember about my sessions with Dr. Janson starting tomorrow. What'll that be like? Its not like I've never been to therapy before. I've been to three different doctors but it only made me worse so we stopped going. Every time I went I'd break down somehow. Not emotionally, its just they'd ask so many questions and it would cause me to panic. Even so, we tried and tried again.