Dirty Little Secrets [Eleanor Calder]

Chapter One

Just like usual, the show is a vivid blur of loud music and even louder screaming filling the arena. I leave the stage with a halfhearted smile and a haste, “Thank you New York for having me. You guys were amazing, as usual.”, and sigh thankfully when I reach my loge.

It’s a small room, a vase of white roses standing tall on a glass table, a box of chocolates accompanying the flowers. Reaching out for the candy, head throbbing and in desperate need for sugar, the door suddenly opens widely and a familiar figure appears in front of me, smile crooked and genuine.

"Hi El." He greets, walking towards me, hair a tousled mess of amber locks, blue eyes bright as he meets my gaze.

"Louis." I start, watching him with a surprised look, the need for chocolate long gone, "I didn’t know you’d be here tonight."

He walks closer, strong hands wrapping around my waist as he whispers in my ear, “Wanted to surprise you.”, he explains, pecking me softly on the cheek.

"And I got you something.", he continues, tugging at the pocket of his plaid shirt, as he lifts up a small box and grins at me. "It’s nothing expensive.", he says quickly before handing me the box, and I open it carefully, fingers reaching out to touch the chain that lays in it.

"You didn’t have to get me anything, Louis.", I tell him before taking out the chain from its small box. It’s a thin, silver one, and there’s a small heart dangling from it.

"It’s really pretty.", I tell him, "Thank you, Lou." He just smiles at that, taking the cold chain from my hands as he puts my hair to the side of my neck, clasping the necklace close, and then he smiles at me.

"I have the same thing, just not a heart on mine.", Louis goes to explain with a smile, pointing at a chain hanging loosely around his neck. "So when we can’t see each other, we’ve still got this to keep us linked together, sort of.", he finishes, cheeks flushed a light shade of pink.

"That’s really sweet, Lou.", I say against the crook of his neck, inhaling the familiar scent of peppermint and smoke.

"And when you’re ready to introduce us to your fans," Louis starts, but stops himself immediately, a blank look appearing on his face. "You know I can’t do that.", I say lowly, suddenly feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"You can’t keep me a secret forever, you know." Louis snaps at me, and I look down at my hands with shame.

"You know I can’t Lou.", I croak out, reaching out to cup his chin but he jerks away from the touch.

"Oh, I’ve heard it many times before.", Louis starts in a cold tone, "You’ve got your career, you don’t want your fans to treat me badly."

"But guess what El?", Louis snaps, biting at his lips, "I can’t always sneak out to meet you, I don’t want to be the person you never mention because I’m your dirty little secret, because I’m not famous and actually just a normal person ."

"It’s not like that, Louis." I try to assure him but he just laughs bitterly at my attempts, "Get real, El.", he says and walks towards the door.

“We’ve been a couple for a year. A year, El. And since you’ve become famous you haven’t mentioned my existence once, I haven’t been able to take you places because you’re always afraid of getting caught.”, Louis trails off with a sigh, shoulders slumped and eyes red rimmed.

"Louis.", I whisper, "You know all the fuss it would cause, people would be obsessed with you and every detail about us. I just don’t—" I pause and look up at him slowly, "—I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I just don’t want to hurt you, Lou."

"I’d rather be talked about recklessly then kept a secret forever." He snaps at me, and then rushes out of the small loge, his image disappearing into the crowd of people standing outside.

Shakily, I sit down on the wooden floor, back pressed tight against the cold wall, face burrowed in my hands.

What now, I think out loud as I twist the chain against my fingers, single driblets of tears falling onto the silver object in my hands as I let my mind wander back, way back.

+++

I'm seventeen when I first meet him, he introduces himself as Louis, he’s nineteen I learn, and his hand is calloused and soft in mine, our handshake just seconds too long to be considered casual.

He smells like mint and cherries, the faint scent of cigarettes clinging to him wherever he goes, and it’s kind of intoxicating.

He calls me 'El Belle', and laughs at my jokes, he’s got eyes like the ocean and eyelashes longer than mine.

He’s the complete opposite to my insecure teenage self, whereas I’m quiet, Louis is loud and confident, endless smiles and laughter beaming out of him. He wears beanies and rugged tank tops, and he’s got over a dozen tattoos that I like to trace with my fingers, have him tell me the meaning behind every single one of the symbols inked to his skin. “One day, I’ll get one with your name, El.”, he’ll whisper in my ear when he thinks I’m asleep.

Our first date is spent at Vito’s pizzeria just down town, a place Louis had insisted served 'the god damn best pizzas in the entire England'.

He talks about the art university he’s a student at, tells me he’d love to paint me if I’d let him.

I tell him about wanting to become a singer, and he smiles down at his plate and whispers, “Sing for me some time then, yeah?”

Louis convinces me to do something with my talent, and he makes sure I get a few gigs at the local pub and at his art shows. And the entire fall is a happy mess of singing my soul out at poorly paying bars and Louis smiling up at me every minute.

When I turn eighteen I get signed with a record company. And I release my first single on Louis’ twentieth birthday. “Best gift ever,” he mumbles against my neck, “I’m so happy for you, El Belle.” And we both smile and he kisses me and hands me my Christmas gift with a grin on his face.

It’s a portrait he’s painted himself of both of us, all bright colors and abstract lines. It’s beautiful and so 'Louis' and I hang it my room, glancing up at it every so often.

My fame rises incredibly fast, and the producers of my single, including myself, all stand in shock as I only become even more talked about, my face appearing in magazines and gossip being written about me. It’s scary at first. -The whole fame thing. But Louis assures me I’ll be fine, tells me I’ve come so far already and that there’s so much left to go.

'Eleanor Calder' quickly becomes a name known by many, many people, and my fan base only grows. When my first album is out, people are already discussing my second.

We don’t drift apart, I just can’t see him outside anymore. My managers insist I must keep the image of a single pop star, and so seeing Louis in public is suddenly out of question. He never complains, but he’ll shoot me looks that sting even worse than words themselves, and I’ll know he doesn’t like it. Knows he hates it as much as I do.

He becomes a secret to the world outside, and by the time I start touring I nearly ever see him. It’s just different. And for once different doesn’t feel like a good thing.

+++

--- Author's Note: ---

First chapter of my new Eleanor Calder story. I'd love to know what you guys think of it yet. x