Before We Say Goodbye

Chapter One: You've Got Cancer

Chapter One - Sophie

A lot changes the day you find out you're dying. It's funny, how those three little words changed my world forever.

You've.

Got.

Cancer.

And now I'll never be the same again.

*

I wring my hands nervously. My heart thuds against loudly.

I can hardly breathe, waiting for the results of my MRI scan.

"You okay, sweetie?" Trish asks, concerned.

I smile at her bravely. "Yeah," I lie, "I'm okay."

She smiles back, but she doesn't believe that, not for a minute. She's always been able to see right through me.

"Patricia Lees?" a nurse calls from the reception.

Trish turns to me. "Wait right here," she says. "I won't be a minute."

She hurries over to the nurse, who leads her into an office just next to reception. I feel sick, oh God, I feel so sick.

What'll happen if I have cancer? There are so many things I still want to do...pass my GCSEs, finish school, fall in love, learn to drive, get a car, get married. So many things. I don't want the opportunity to do that to be taken away from me.

And what if people start treating me differently? Every little thing they do around me laced with pity? I don't want that, either. I've always hated pity. I already get enough from my parents being divorced. I don't need pity.

Empathy, maybe, but not pity.

I wonder how Livi and Mark will react when I tell them. Livi. We've been best friends since nursery. I remember the day we met fondly.

"Why do you never play with the rest of us?" she asks curiously.

A little blond girl with long French plaits. Her green eyes sparkled curiously.

I shrug.

"Don't you want to?"

Another shrug.

"You'll have to answer me, you know." She takes me hand firmly in hers. "Come on, it will be fun."

Finally, I reply. "Promise?"

"Yeah! Promise!"

The corners of my lips tug upwards as I involuntarily smile. I don't want to lose my friendship with her. Or Mark. I met him in Brownies.

Everyone has a partner except me. I hate Brownies. I told Mammy I didn't want to come but she made me. Why? I can feel a burning feeling in my throat. I think I'm going to cry. I don't want to cry! They'll call me a baby!

I wish Livi was here. She'd know what to do.

There's one boy there on his own. Ask him, Sophie! Just ask him! You can't always be so shy!

I wander over to the little redhead who looks lost and alone.

Pretend you're Livi. Go on!

"Do you want to be partners?" I ask, as if casually, when in actual fact my heart is beating so fast!

"Um, okay," the boy mumbles.

I smile. This is easy. "I'm Sophie," I say.

"Oh."

I wait expectantly, but he says nothing. "Aren't you going to tell me your name?"

"Mark."

He was shyer than me back then. I remember my strange little burst of confidence. I wish I was always as outgoing as Livi. But I wasn't. Mark got over his shyness, but I still have it.