Secret Cowgirl

Chapter 11

I walk out the room with my suitcase and my duffle bag. I see everyone waiting. Lucas looks at me with concern. I give him a smile. Riley looks at me with concern. I nod my head. I walk to Pappy Joe. "Thanks for letting us stay here, and eat here, and ride here." I say. "Its the least I can do. Your like family, Spencer." He says. "Thanks Pappy Joe." I say and we hug. "Before I forget...This came in the mail for ya." He hands me a red envelope with Spencer in cursive on the front. I put in in a pocket on the inside of my jacket. "Maybe next time I see you I will beat Lucas' score on Tombstone." I say and laugh. "We'll be waiting." Pappy Joe says next to Cletus. I walk to my friends. "Bye Pappy Joe!" We all say disconnected. We all headed to the train station.

***

I sit in my seat which was with Riley and Maya. I had the window, Riley in the middle, and Maya in the aisle. I put in my headphones and listen to music. I take out the letter, open it and start reading.

//Theme song for chapter. Not necessarily the lyrics but the vibe and like some of the lyrics.//

Dear Spencer,

I saw you ride in the rodeo. You did amazing and you've grown up to become a beautiful girl. I know you don't understand ever since you are still a kid but when life gets in the way things never get better. Its happening to me and your mom. We're not even together. I hope you understand why I don't want you to see me and I don't want to see you. Soon in life we can see each other and catch up.

-Your Father

I feel myself cry. "Spencer are you okay?" Riley asks. I tear up the envelope in pieces. "I'm fantastic." I say. I look out the window and see trees and skys pass by. I sew the birds and envy them. I wish I could fly away, start a new life. Please, what does this look like a Disney movie?

I turn up my music and drift to sleep.

***

I wake up in my room. We got home around 8:00pm. I fell asleep as soon as I got home. Now its time to get ready for school. I put on a navy blue hoodie with a white zipper and rope, a white tee underneath, skinny blue jeans, navy blue vans with white laces and rubber stuff. I fix my hair into a messy bun and head to school. I walk into the hallway I'm instantly greeted by Maya. "Spencer I need to tell you something." She says. It's about Lucas, I have a feeling that's what its about. As much as I want to know, I can't. "I don't need to know." I say walking away. "Spence, something happened-" She says following me. "I don't need to know." I say walking down stairs towards Matthews class. "But I need to tell you, you need to know." Maya says. I look at her. "Maya, things are going to happen no matter what we try to do. You liked Lucas and it showed when you didn't want him on that bull. I encouraged him to go on that bull because..he's my friend. He's my bestest friend." I say giving a small smile. We are about to walk in class but Lucas walks out. I nod my head and walk inside with Riley taking my place. I sit down in my seat and see Lucas walk in. He sits at his seat. "Hi." He says. "Hey." I say. I look down.

***

I lay in bed all night and I dont eat dinner. My mom offered pizza, but no luck. Me and Lucas are broken. We used to talk and joke and laugh. NoW its all gone. I look for my meds but I can't find them. I punch my dresser and lay back on my bed.

***

"The Hover Dam holds back 10 trillion gallons of confused 14 year old feelings that like to smack down on the concrete structure of your life and my life and I can't take it so nobody move!" Matthew says. I see Riley look back. I see her look at that Charlie guy. I nod and look back to the front. "Cause no matter how strong this structure can be, even one little drop of water can take apart the mean of your lives and mine. So your assignment is to hold everything back until I die, and not let anything get through." I pass a note that says Riley to Riley and she opens it. "Riley, what's that?" Matthews asks. She crumbles it up. "Nothing." She says dropping it. "Riley, did something get through?" He asks. "Spencer, something happened between me and Lucas." Maya tells me. "Oh boy." Lucas says. Riley turns around in her chair to Charlie. "Yes, Charlie, I will go out with you." She says across the room. "Hover DAM!" Matthews says. "You and me both Matthews." I say sitting back putting earbuds in.

***

I am woken up by a pencil hitting my head. We are still in the middle of class. I take out an earbud. "Why can't you guys act like this? It would help my life and yours." Matthews says. "Not to burst your bubble Matthews but I'm only like this because of feelings." I say shrugging. "Don't beike this." He changes his answer. I nod and put in earbuds.

***

I get non-stop texts from the gang. I reply to Riley, Farkle, sometimes Maya, and rarely Lucas. I write my story for Harper's class. My mom knocks. "Your friends here they at they need to talk to you." She says. I take out one earbud and keep typing. "Send them in." I say not looking up. My word count as of now is 1,896. I hear someone walk in. Its, of course, Lucas. "Hey." I say turning down my music. "Hi." He says. "You weren't answering my texts or my calls so I came to see if you were okay." He says. I set down my computer and pause my music. "Did you have any questions?" He asks. "No, I've just been writing my story." I say. "How's yours coming along?" I ask him. "Just fine." He says. I nod and look at my words on the screen. "Are you okay?" He asks. "I'm fine Lucas." I say. His phone vibrates. "Its Maya." He says. I nod. "Go ahead. I will be right here." I shrug. He walks out and I get back to writing.

***

I walk into the classroom and a big,

MAYA, LUCAS, SPENCER, RILEY

is on the bored. "Matthews, we know everything you teach is about us but this is just lazy." I joke. "I don't got the time! I can compare you guys with WW2. America loves Russia, then America doesn't love Russia. Japan loves France so they go bowling with each other. Go on a couple dates then Japan says 'I just wanna be friends' and France says 'I got enough friends'. So they try to be civil with each other but then there's a certain chill when they hang out by the lockers, A CHILL. You don't think everybodys gonna go bowling with anybody at some point? These four connect to every kid in this class, state, country, everyone in this universe. They just got their first! The jerks.." He pauses. "Dad!" Riley says. "Your going to High School, your growing up against my will. I just don't want anything bad to happen to you. Don't let anything bad happen to you!" He walks to his stuff and grabs his suitcase. "Class isn't over yet sir." Lucas points out. "Ah, I've had it." He says walking out.

***

Today was the day everyone has their dates. Maya appears in my room. "Hey how was your smoothie with Lucas?" I ask. "Oh you know, absolutly nothing to talk about." She says. "Ya I guess." I say. "You guys talk so much." Maya says. "Ya I like talking to him." I shrug. "Well I like teasing him." She says. "Why do you like to tease him?" I ask. "Uh..because..hes great, ans he needs someone like you-"

"For why? Why does he need me?" I ask. "To build him up, you can hear his stories and understand his stories and you get each other you can make him feel like the hero he is." She says. I nod. "Yeah..." I say.

***

"You should come to Topanga's." I hear Farkle over the phone. "Why?" I ask. "Because everyone is." He says. I nod. "Fine." I hang up.

I head to Topanga's in the same clothes I was in. "Ans where does Spencer fit into all of this?" Zay asks Farkle. "Because she's the new girl, he was the new boy. Same place, connected pasts. They felt an instant connection. But Spencer is making it seem like Lucas needs to be with Maya." Farkle says. "Farkle stop." I say. "Spencer knew she was new to the group but also forgot she was a part that was needed in the group." Farkle says. "She has low self esteem?" Zay asks. "Yes, and depression and anxiety." Farkle says. "How do you know that?" I ask. "Your meds bag got into my bag." He says. "Why didn't you tell us?" Farkle says. "What the first thing I was supposed to say was, hello, I'm Spencer, I'm 14 from Texas and I have depression, anxiety, and a very low self esteem because of my father!" I say now angry. Everyone looks at me. "What's wrong with your father?" Riley asks. "Its no big deal. Have fun on your dates.. I will just stay in bed forever." I say and run out.