An LGBT Advice Book

Lesbian Etiquette

Hi.

So I have come across some very rude comments in my life about the lesbian community as a whole. Even though there are people who are intentionally rude, most of the comments I've received or heard were completely unintentional. They didn't mean for it to be rude. To help prevent this matter, here are a few rules on what NOT to say to (specifically) a lesbian:

So what do you... how do you... you know, how do you "do the do"?

This question is asked because of the general mysticism on lesbian sex. There are a multitude of ways for 2 women to have sex, which you will have to google yourself. This is not something you should ask someone in public, especially not to someone who isn't very close to you. If you are a lesbian or bisexual or pansexual and you honestly don't know how it works, you need to preface that to a close and knowledgeable friend.

Who's the "man"?

I've actually encountered this question in many forms, not only as this specific question. I've actually heard a previous girlfriend of mine say "You are totally the man in the relationship" and she wasn't joking. If you are asking this to someone, shut up. There isn't a man; that's the point of 2 women. If you are generally curious about the dominant person in the relationship, it is none of your business. Please don't ask.

If a girl is dating another girl who looks and acts like a guy, wouldn't that mean she's straight?

No, she isn't. If she is dating another woman, she is not straight. Women who are more masculine than others are still women. They still have the same parts and mannerisms.

You've dated guys, so you can't be a lesbian!

Yes, I have dated guys. I am still a lesbian. I didn't know it back then so I dated guys. I have also dated girls. I actually feel an attraction towards girls, but not towards guys. This is very offensive to me, please just stop.

Follow up on previous statement: If you weren't attracted to them before, why did you date them?

Because I made a false assumption that I was attracted to them, but once I was with a girl, I had something to compare the "attraction" I felt with a guy and the real attraction I felt with a girl.

I wish you weren't a lesbian.

I don't wish I was straight. I love being a lesbian, so you shouldn't wish me not being as happy as I can be.

These are just a few offensive comments. Let me know if I should do another chapter like this, maybe with some politeness for lesbians talking to other lesbians or maybe a different sexuality or gender.

Stay Strong,

Lily