We sat in the truck...I had to move on and that was final...I had to force myself to stop thinking these absurd thoughts.
We continued our journey...the highway was so damn long and Peter told me that I was to keep driving 200KM and then turn right to highway 79 and drive another 120Km and then wake him up. After things said he dozed off like he hadn't slept in days.
I kept driving and not once I thought the stupid things I kept thinking for all these years...I was going far away from the painful reality of the past...with every second I moved forward I was leaving all that behind...putting as much distance between as possible....I numbed my mind...I forced myself to think that I don't have a past...I made myself think that I accidentally landed on this planet yesterday and in this new crazy world of aliens I have to fight for a living....I changed my approach about life....I knew if I didn't keep thinking this way I would end up in the web of the same thoughts who drove me insane...
I switched on the radio...I was surprised it could work in a truck...the reception was not too bad either...I guess Peter had it recently installed...it looked new in such an old looking truck. I tuned a few channels...feeling very normal...then I stopped at a station which used to be my favorite once...I kept the volume really low...after a few songs a song came on...it used to be my favorite..it was called "in the end" by Linkin Park...me and my friends used to sing along with it whenever it came on...it was like a punch in my guts...I almost panicked but I got Under control and punched the off button.
Why this song? Why now?
But now it was too late...the song kept buzzing in my head
"I tried so hard and got so far...but in the end it doesn't even matter...I had to fall to lose it all but in the end it doesn't even matter"
It somehow portrayed my life...but the problem is that it mattered to me but then I realize the song was right...it shouldn’t matter....I worked hard to built such a perfect life, to live perfectly...but in the end all that didn't matter....it didn't matter to anyone... And then I fell so damn hard on my ass and lost my life...y should it matter? Nothings coming back now...but I know where I'm going...I switched on the radio again n listened to the half song which was left....I felt cold now...I became hard...filled my heart with stone...I’ll never let the world take anything from me again...I’ll have nothing to give to the world...I just have to survive.
With a renewed power....a renewed sense...I drove on...I never thought I could overcome my fear so quickly...I didn't have the ability to hate...it ended in pain but I definitely didn't have the ability left to love..It hurt more in the end...
The only emotions I had were numbness and pain and now I was robbed of these emotions...
Now I had determination in me...hunger to succeed and I stuck to the fact that whatever you do or happens in life in the end it doesn't matter and it shouldn't matter...things just happen And you can do things too...I was about to do things.
I drove through the morning into the afternoon...I was a new young man now....with no past.
After I crossed the second highway I stopped at a gas station and woke Peter up....he looked tired but he told me to move back to the passenger seat...I did as I was told and he got out...got the gas filled..Used the washroom and jumped back in...
"Peter what is our destination?" I asked without any sign of interest.
He noticed the changed man sitting beside him..."wow a few hours did u some good eh? Son being cold and tough and hard is better than being weak and vulnerable...this way the world can't hurt you when they aren’t welcome from you...do give them a chance...not all people are bad but be careful..be wise...u will know who to trust if u look into their souls...the ones who hide their souls behind disguise are the ones you should b aware of...if u want any advice or anything, I’m here son...I've seen alot in life. And our first destination is a small town not far from here and after we deliver their goods we go to los angles."
Hmm Los Angles? Not bad. I thought.
"Thank you Peter...I’ll always keep your advice in mind." I said.
